Do men lie to get what they want?

[Smillar2020]

I recently reconnected with an old flame I knew years ago. I’m single again and we got chatting over text catching up. He said it seemed crazy we never went on a date when we knew each other (kinda FWB situation) and that he got the vibes I wasn’t interested. The thing is I was interested in much more and it broke my heart when he met someone and I never really got over him, even 10 plus years on. I don’t know if he’s just playing mind games with me. I say FWB but that’s how it seemed he wanted things with me at the time.

A lot of men rewrite history to make themselves come up smelling of roses.

Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak with this ex. They rarely change.

X

They lie because the truth will provoke you to make choices that are not in his interest.

yes they do
hth

Yes both men and women lie in all sorts of situations.
If you are having a flirty chat I wouldn't see this particular 'white lie' as anything major. I could come out with something similar if I was single and looking to flatter the person I was talking too.
But it seems you are looking deeply into what he is saying so you may be taking it all too seriously at this stage?

Are you recently single?

He knows youre available and potentially says what he thinks you want to hear in order to get in your pants. Or it could be true that he did feel that you weren’t interested at the time. Who knows.

If you’re still getting used to being single this could be a rebound relationship you regret later. Take your time. See if he’s still keen.

If you want to find out what he genuinely feels don’t let him in your pants.

Yes recently single. He claims to now be recently single too but I think he’s lying. Too many red flags I think. I wish I didn’t have feelings for him at all. I always wondered about him through the years.

All people are capable of lying.

But yes he rewriting history to get you in to bed. He will probably do the same again

Everyone lies to get what they want, or to amend history or how they are viewed.
To be fair, at least in the initial stages it is the female who has the choices so the male has to make sure his feathers are as attractive as possible.
At the end of the day, its these guys who do get the ladies, whilst the decent ones are seen as not so attractive.

Many men and women lie, this can't be a surprise to you!

@Cheeseandwin5 I get what you are saying. Do you think he is at it then? Or am I reading too much into things and should give it a shot in case there is something between us?

@Smillar2020

I don’t really buy his story, because you were already sleeping together so how big a leap would it have been for him to tell you that he wanted to make it more serious? Men who want more are usually clear that they want more. For whatever reason, it suited him at the time just to have an FWB arrangement.

That doesn’t mean you can’t give it another go now. But given that you still seem to carry a torch for him and have been deeply affected by the experience, you do need to proceed with caution. And avoid getting back into an FWB situation. As PP have said, let him prove he’s interested in more.

Yes, men lie to get what they want. Do not underestimate the power of the sausage.

Yes, but both men and women do it, unfortunately.

Yes. They will lie. He's lining you up as a booty call.

I think I will just leave things, for fear of being hurt again. It’s just not worth it. I know I would find it difficult to avoid sleeping with him as his skills in the bedroom were quite something... argh. Probably safer to block his number. It’s just annoying that he always niggles away at the back of my mind, I think we could’ve been really good together. And I am pretty good at cutting men off. Even my nine year relationship / marriage / father of my child when it broke down I wasn’t too bothered. Didn’t shed a tear. Crazy.

"It’s just annoying that he always niggles away at the back of my mind, I think we could’ve been really good together. And I am pretty good at cutting men off."

I may be way off beam here (and forgive the pop psychology) but have you looked into avoidance addiction? Was he and does he remain so attractive to you because he held himself aloof whereas you have never felt so much for men who make themselves available? While everyone can see the attraction of the unattainable (and the related tension and uncertainty may well lend an extra piquancy to the sex), it shouldn't be to the detriment of being able to fall for people who are available, but avoidance addicts having difficulty doing so.

I don’t think I’ve got avoidance addiction. I’ve just never felt such a strong connection with someone. I’ve been with “hard to get hold of” men before Who I was probably more into than they were to me and even though I’ve been upset if things didn’t work out I’ve never felt an attraction like this guy. I genuinely thought that over a decade later I’d have well and truly forgotten he existed. I thought about him a few times when I was married but would never have acted on anything.

People lie to get what they want. Men are half of people.

But more specifically here, a lot of men (not all) will say pretty much ANYTHING to get sex. Women really need to bear this in mind.

Yes they lie
All day every day.
Give him a miss. He's just looking for sex, a place to live, money.