I was thinking today (have been managing to think of stuff to journal for a change) about one of the most painful breakups I had (several years ago, not the usual bloke I moan about. 
)
Be gentle and supportive please as this has been really helpful for me, to see it in this way.
After we split up (which I didn't want and wanted to win him back) he called me an 'attention wh*re' (misogynistic of course and also I'm not massively- all I'd done was sent him a photo of me at an event as he always used to like getting photos and was always asking for them. I got the photo taken by the event photographer especially to send to him. There was only me in the photo. That he always liked getting them was the only spirit in which I sent it, but he completely lost it saying he 'didn't want to know what I got upto.' I had said that I wished he was there with me.
He would phrase these things as 'I'm a jealous guy, who thinks you are an X,' so it didn't sound so much like I could say it was just an attack as he had also made a comment about himself. But I see now that that was just a way of him doing it and it seeming more justifiable than it otherwise would, and less easy for me to argue with (not that I would anyway.)
The other one he said was 'I'm a jealous guy- who thinks you are socially inept.' I had shared with him some things I find difficult in life, that I lack confidence and find it hard to keep friends etc (Which has later been diagnosed as autistic traits, but I didn't know that then.)
So, that one was something where I had shared something with him as a friend/someone I trusted (we had been friends for about 17 years before we had a brief 'thing') and he had used a spot where he knew I was vulnerable as part of his attack- used something I'd shared with him as ammunition to wound.
There were all sorts of other issues with him (he was the Dom in our BDSM 'relationship' which was long distance.) I was really surprised at how nasty it got as we were friends previously.
He had a terrible temper, his head could literally steam, he was controlling, unhelpful, gaslighting etc. etc. The list goes on- at one point there was an incident where a beating became non-consensual as he continued after I used my safe word.
There are probably other types of abuse there that I'm now seeing more clearly.
I think part of seeing that it was abuse being comforting, is that it means that I did not deserve it, it wasn't because of anything I did, it was not ok.
There have been so many incidents in my life where nowadays I like to think I would say 'no-one talks to me like that,' and block.