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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do now?

19 replies

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 13:22

Hello, long story short I’ve got 3 children (I had them with me previous partner who was NOT abusive) and spent the past 2 years in an abusive relationship. Last night he assaulted me at around half 11. Went upstairs after and he went to sleep downstairs, I finally decided to run away and protect myself and my children as it has been getting slowly worse during lockdown, reluctantly woke up my children at about 3am and took them straight downstairs and put them into my car and just drove to the other side of town, had to go that far to feel like I was away from him and safe. As soon as we was safe I called 101 and reported everything, told someone will go to the house and then someone will call me from the police station later. Right now its just me and my 3 lovely children in my car. I plan to go to my children’s aunties or my best friends house or my sisters and stay there. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you xx

OP posts:
Lacey2019 · 02/08/2020 13:26

Hello,
Firstly how incredibly brave of you, I am so proud:). No one deserves that, ever. I hope that this is you able to walk away for good and for your children. Your friends and family will be so proud. I am hoping the next stage is that he is arrested and you are able to start a new life xx

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 13:29

@Lacey2019

Hello, Firstly how incredibly brave of you, I am so proud:). No one deserves that, ever. I hope that this is you able to walk away for good and for your children. Your friends and family will be so proud. I am hoping the next stage is that he is arrested and you are able to start a new life xx
Hello,

The police are going to come back to me later the call handler said.
Got to sort out today and then tomorrow morning and then work.

OP posts:
Skills2597 · 02/08/2020 13:29

Well done! Be strong and cut all ties with him, do not worry about material things - those you will be able to replace at a later date. The most previous things in life is health and your sanity. The rest are replacement.

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 13:31

@Skills2597

Well done! Be strong and cut all ties with him, do not worry about material things - those you will be able to replace at a later date. The most previous things in life is health and your sanity. The rest are replacement.
@Skills2597

I will try to cut all ties, its hard and scary.
I have everything important, I can't think of anything important I've missed.

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 02/08/2020 13:38

Well done you! This is the start of a new life for you and your children, embrace it and dont look backFlowers

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 13:40

@Louise91417

Well done you! This is the start of a new life for you and your children, embrace it and dont look backFlowers
@Louise91417

Hopefully it is, I don't think my children really understand what's happened yet.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 02/08/2020 14:04

Well done you!
Go stay with whomever you feel will be most supportive of your decision. You need other smart, supportive people around you now.

Good luck with the police stuff. I hope you press charges against the violent creep. Hopefully if they get that on record, other woman will be able to do a Claires law check in future so they dont end up with the abusive jerk either.

funnylittlefloozie · 02/08/2020 14:04

Well done you for getting your children and yourself out. Everything else can be sorted out later. You said he assaulted you - are you ok? Are you hurt?

Have you got somewhere to go?

Graphista · 02/08/2020 14:15

What is it you want to know about doing next?

You say you have the important things so I'm guessing that included documents and certificates?

Do you have a joint account with him? If so I would say your next most important thing to do tomorrow would be to open a new personal account - I would strongly recommend with a different bank for all sorts of reasons - and contact anyone who pays you any income (employer, dwp, Hmrc for child benefit...) to ensure they change ASAP to paying into the new account.

Are you working? If so I would recommend informing them of the situation so that he cannot obtain info from them re new address etc Put anyone else he's likely to try and track you down through on notice too.

Ditto any childcare/schools, plus it's good if they know so they can support the children.

Have you injuries from the assault? If so get that documented ASAP, check in with your dr so there's an official record, even if you decide not to pursue matters at this time, this will at least give you the option to do so in the future.

If you're working but on a low income get any benefits claims in ASAP as it takes a long time for them to be processed and even longer at the moment due to covid.

I can't think of anything else right now, I hope the above is useful to you.

As pp say you are INCREDIBLY brave and strong for getting you and dc out of this situation.

Don't be tempted to return, not only because you don't want to be dragged back into being involved with him but because he will likely feel he has little to lose by assaulting you again at this point. Please please stay safe

Good luck Thanks

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 14:16

@Bunnymumy

Well done you! Go stay with whomever you feel will be most supportive of your decision. You need other smart, supportive people around you now.

Good luck with the police stuff. I hope you press charges against the violent creep. Hopefully if they get that on record, other woman will be able to do a Claires law check in future so they dont end up with the abusive jerk either.

@Bunnymumy

I think everyone I'm considering staying with will be supportive.
I will certainly consider pressing charges.

OP posts:
Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 14:17

@funnylittlefloozie

Well done you for getting your children and yourself out. Everything else can be sorted out later. You said he assaulted you - are you ok? Are you hurt?

Have you got somewhere to go?

I think I will get us checked out in A&E just in case.
OP posts:
TeeBee · 02/08/2020 14:20

Us? Has he hurt the children too?
You're very brave. Probably one of the best decisions you'll ever make though. Well done.

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 14:23

@TeeBee

Us? Has he hurt the children too? You're very brave. Probably one of the best decisions you'll ever make though. Well done.
Not as far as I know but its better to be safe than sorry.
OP posts:
Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 14:24

Should I tell my work?

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 02/08/2020 14:30

I would tell work, and ask for some time off while you get sorted.

Well done Flowers

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 14:33

@TwentyViginti

I would tell work, and ask for some time off while you get sorted.

Well done Flowers

@TwentyViginti

I will tell my boss. I know I'll have to go in tomorrow as I'm in 3 important meetings.

OP posts:
Lacey2019 · 02/08/2020 14:35

Hello I would tell your work, confidentially Incase he turned up there. You can also notify school and there will be a safeguarding lead. We have this in my school, things like parents evenings etc we are aware of who should be contacted etc x

Flowerletsgo · 02/08/2020 14:36

@Lacey2019

Hello I would tell your work, confidentially Incase he turned up there. You can also notify school and there will be a safeguarding lead. We have this in my school, things like parents evenings etc we are aware of who should be contacted etc x
I will tell work tomorrow. I was going to let school know anyway.
OP posts:
Lacey2019 · 02/08/2020 14:44

How old are your children? You may have already said sorry xx

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