I've only just joined Mumsnet so am a real newbie! Here goes: I've lived in my neighbourhood for over 30 years, and like to think I've been a friendly, welcoming, helpful neighbour to the various people who have come and gone over the years. I live in a semi-rural spot, so you don't automatically see people from day to day - you have to make the effort to get to know people.
In the last few years, several houses nearby have changed hands, and I hadn't had the opportunity to meet all the new owners. On VE day in April, my next-door neighbour told me a socially-distanced gathering had been arranged on a large grass verge bordering a neighbour's house. It seems there has been a neighbours' WhatsApp group operating for some time, and one of its functions was to organise get-togethers such as this.
DH and I went along, and it was lovely to meet the new people. Unfortunately, one of the longer-standing neighbours arrived with her DH, and we politely said we had to leave. I have known this woman a long time - her daughter was my daughter's friend, and once my son's girlfriend. She wasn't exactly a friend, but I had tried to help her over the years as she's had alcohol and mental health issues. I empathised as I've suffered from depression. But last year, she turned up at our house, a bit drunk and in tears, and we listened to her for 3 hours about her unhappiness with just about everything. When she said she should get home, I asked DH to walk her the short distance to her house as she was so unsteady. The next night the Police turned up saying she had accused my DH of sexual assault. They told me she had done this before, they knew her well, (for lots of reasons I was totally unaware of), and would be taking no action as they knew she was lying. (I'm briefly summarising a long story here).
Our stance since then has been not to retaliate in any way, but to maintain a dignified silence and distance, and to have no contact whatsoever - not even to reply at the time to insulting texts to me, nor messages to my daughter, son, son's girlfriend, all of whom she tracked down on FB. That was all well and good, but now I don't know what to do about our neighbours' WhatsApp group, and socialising. My next-door neighbour knows about the situation, as I told her at the time. She tells me this woman is very much involved in the group. She and her DH attended another gathering recently. I and my DH just do not want to see her, let alone mingle with her.
My reluctant view is that we are just not going to be able to give a phone no. to the neighbour organising the group, and not attend any gatherings. But this will, I feel, mean we come across as unfriendly and ignorant, and it also hurts that we are missing out on contact with nice neighbours. The alternative is to just tell the organiser that we can't join in because one neighbour has caused us a lot of trouble, but not reveal who or what. The revenge-seeking alternative would, of course, be to tell all the neighbours the real situation. I'm not being serious about that of course - it would make me no better than her, and could have consequences I can't even imagine. But now DH and I feel like we are unwillingly ostracising ourselves, and feel a bit like lepers in our own community. There's lots worse things going on in the world, but it's eating away at me. Any thoughts or advice? THANK YOU!