Is something wrong with me?

[octupuskittens]

I'm a 28 year old female, I'm a single mum to a 6 year old girl. I'm not sure if that is relevant.

So I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. I struggled with depression and anxiety after my daughter was born, I'd say within the past two years I have really recovered and although I still suffer from anxiety it is controlled and managed and depression is non existent thankfully.

I have always been awful maintaining romantic relationships but have always prided myself on my strong friendships that I have had for 10 years plus. I consider myself a very laid back person although I have a hot temper when pushed to the limit, once again, not sure this is relevant.

Basically my question is, the past year or so, even though I have been feeling amazing mentally, I really do not enjoy people. It's not just a case of I can't be bothered with certain people, I can't be bothered with anyone after a certain amount of time.

I am fine for an hour or two, anymore than that and I feel agitated, tired and really irritable. This is effecting my friendships as I feel that although I'm still making time for them, I'm making excuses to leave after a certain time. I'm also not talking about nights out in the pub, even if a friend comes over for a coffee after an hour I am screaming in my head for them to leave.

After they leave I really need just quiet time, silence. I find myself making excuses if they ask to see me more than once a week, if I have plans with them I worry as soon as it's planned about how long I'll have to spend with them.

I'm beginning to think I don't enjoy my friends company a bit but that's not it because 2 years ago I could have spent all day with them and still not been fed up.

I have had a lot of self growth within the past year especially and I know I have changed as a person, I love my friends, they are amazing and I am blessed to have them but quite frankly spending time with them seems like a chore.

The only exception to this is my mum and my daughter, that is it, I could spend endless amounts of time with them and not feel exhausted.

In recent years I have also noticed that I find it very uncomfortable making eye contact with certain people and making small talk, unsure of the relevance.

I'm sorry, this was meant to be short.

Hi OP,
I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to comment on but I want to follow this thread, because I feel the exact same. I'm 28, and literally don't like meeting up with friends, once a week is more than enough for a quick coffee but anything after that makes me uncomfortable. I'm just happier in my own space with my husband.
Lockdown really showed me how much I love not interacting with people if that makes any sense.

It's a strange one, but you're not alone. I feel the same

I don't think there is nothing wrong with only feeling like spending a limited amount of time with people we know.

As a society we can be conditioned to think we need to behave a certain way that may not be beneficial to our wellbeing.

It can be exhausting for some People to engage with people and we normally know our limits.

Don't be hard on yourself... you're not alone.
You know your limitations and it can be important to set boundaries for our mental health.

It just seems you're an introvert, OP. You're not alone. Just a couple of days ago I read a post here on Mumsnet in which someone said "I need my own space and I get irritated just by people being there... so I decided to live on my own and not have children".

You say you’ve experienced a lot of self growth in the past couple of years. Could it be that you are now more comfortable with yourself and happier in your own company, therefore have less of a need for interaction with others? I have become a proper introvert in the last year or so since doing extensive work on myself. Like you, I can only manage an hour or two at a time in someone’s company and usually find myself looking for polite excuses to leave. I’ve finally accepted that it’s absolutely fine not to want to be a social butterfly. Society expects that of us but it doesn’t make it right.

So no, I don’t think anything is wrong with you. Do what makes you happy, not what society tells us will make us happy.

I'm sorry that I can't tell you if there's something wrong with you, but I wanted to tell you that I'm exactly the same. Although the worst part for me is that I've recently started to feel that way with my own mother, and that breaks my heart because I love her so much. My children though, like you, I could spend eternity with and not need space.

Do you ever feel like, or actually go through with, cancelling plans with people to avoid socialising? I do this. I've alienated myself from everybody because of it. And that's not by choice, I miss my friends, I love them. I don't know what's wrong with me.

When DH invites friends over, I don't feel the same I think it's because I know I can disappear for a short while and they won't think I'm rude, because I'm not the host. But that makes me feel even more guilty that I can't give the same amount of effort to see my friends.

At this point in time I've been wishing almost daily that all my friends were the same as you and I. That if I text to cancel plans, they'd be just as relieved as I am, and love me all the same. But that doesn't happen, and I don't blame them for getting pissed off with me at all. I've become a professional flake.

It just seems you're an introvert, OP. You're not alone.

I don't think you're an introvert, I think you're an ambivert. I'm one, too.

Ambivert - I didn’t realise that was a thing. Finally a word that fits!

Ambivert - I didn’t realise that was a thing. Finally a word that fits!

Exactly what I thought when I learned about it years ago.

Turns out I'm an ambivert too ... time to do a little reading ;-)

You are not alone op. I have a few close friends who I really like but I am quite happy to see them in small doses (if that doesn't sound too awful ) and I don't think it's a coincidence that they are alI people who are happy in their own company either. I also need lots of time on my own to feel mentally "buoyant" and having a child - which is a very intense relationship - tends to use up any spare capacity I have for interacting with others.

I used to want to be around my friends all the time in my early 20s- I’m now 43 and I’m the same as you- I prefer my own company than to be with friends for more than a quick coffee. I think it’s perfectly natural. We all evolve as we get older. 💐