My marriage is complicated. I’ve not been happy for a number of years now but I have to exist in it because there’s no fees able way I can leave or afford to leave.
My Husband works for a family business. I’ve been with him for 25 years and we have 3 DC 15,12, 10.
I’m a sociable person. He hates people. He really dislikes my friends and now refuses to have anything to do with them. I am very passionate about my hobbies, my husband has no interests of his own and he hates mine. One in particular he’s regularly rude unsupportive and vocally offensive about. He is also an incredibly jealous person and often becomes difficult to live with if something really gets to him.
I really don’t like to admit this but I don’t enjoy intimacy with him any more. I feel guilty because he does tell me that I’m beautiful and he loves me, but I hate myself. The other problem is that he hasn’t been to a dentist for 12 years. He’s “scared” of them and says that his teeth are fine. But he has such terrible breath that it puts me off. We haven’t kissed for years.
He often gropes and grabs at me for his own gratification, and most mornings will see to his own needs. I understand that, and I will usually go along with it.
He’s frequently huffy. He often tells me that I’m unreasonable and selfish when I ask him to do things. He works almost 7 days a week and I do understand he’s tired, but god at least 10 years everything that isn’t the business has just been left to practically decompose.
I can’t leave him, it’s just not happening as we are in a financially impossible situation. If I were to leave him I really don’t think he’d carry on, I know he’s probably depressed but he does nothing about it other than pile pressure on me as being his “everything”.
The kids however are happy. We go through patches of arguing. He sulks often and goes to bed early most nights. He would rather spend the evening on his phone than interact with me though.
His idea of important is the whole family constantly spending family time together. This involves sitting in the living room watching rubbish on tv and him on his phone.
I don’t work as he had traditional views when we were younger that I foolishly just accepted. Now the truth is we can’t afford childcare.
I’ve suffered depression and anxiety over the last few years. Initially brought on specifically by his behaviour. I feel that everything I ever do I have to ask his permission for. There are things I know I’ll never be allowed to do. Going away for girly weekends or more than one night for example unless it’s specifically for a big birthday situation is always a complete nightmare, and he tells me as a mother that shouldn’t be doing it. There’s so much he hates that it leaves me feeling massive resentment and frustration. Everything we do MUST be as a family.
I know that this is a highly complex situation, and I hope I’ve been able to explain things, but what I need is help to work out how I carry on existing in our marriage. It’s getting harder and harder. I’m 42, and I know I could have another 30 years of living like this.