Partner has serious mental health issues but if I leave will I have to hand over dc despite fearing they could hurt dc during an episode?

[m0therofdragons]

Posting on behalf of a friend for advice.

Dp has had mental health issues for 4 years (that I know of) together for 6 years. Thursday was the second episode of psychosis with the last one being 2 years ago. Came off meds last December (own choice not mine) but head been okay, managing anger and staying fairly calm with just mini flare ups and regularly saying marriage is over but then being okay again. I’ve walked on egg shells and it’s stressful but I fear that if we split I’ll have to let my beautiful dc stay with dp and then I cannot protect her.

Thursday’s episode scared me. I thought she was trying to kill me (dc not present thank goodness). It took 3 police cars, a police van and an ambulance crew to restrain dp and place under mental health order.

I’m scared to have dp in the house but feel completely unsupported. After the last episode of psychosis, Ss wrote to dp saying they advised that dc shouldn’t witness violence but then signed us off while dp was still in hospital under judge order.

I literately have no clue who to turn to and without consent the clinical teams won’t discuss dp’s health with me once discharged and deemed to have capacity so I can only go on what dp says. Can anyone help?

Phone social services

I'd look to be resident parent for your child.

Df is the main carer but as a man ss told him they would do everything they can to enable access to dc’s mum.

Well, that's OK surely? I'd potentially look for supervised access, but it'd be wrong for both child and mum to deny access. The SS supporting her access may mean they'll work with both parents to enable the child's safety?

Who is DF?

I think it's the friend chungus

I’m using my name to post for my friend - df. He’s the dad. If he could be sure visits would be supervised then fine but he’s been told the mum would probably get over nights and unsupervised. That terrifies him.

Oh, sorry. I completely missed the first line. Ignore me!

Will she not give consent for her do to discuss her care?

No she won’t. She decided to come off meds against dr advice but when she’s not under a court order and deemed to have capacity that is her right. He married her for better or worse but he’s scared she’ll hurt their dc (she would never do that when in control but an episode of psychosis removes her control).

I think he needs legal advice as this us complex

Is the mother currently sectioned? That should give some breathing space

You say he married the mother for better or worse. The courts and children’s services will expect him to take a children centred approach to this. That means keeping them safe and putting their needs at the heart of any decision. Even if that means separating from his wife. Failing to do that will put his parenting in question

If the wife has been sectioned, the children are currently safe. Any further decisions will need to be taken once the mother’s diagnosis and prognosis in the medium and future terms are known. This could take a while as mental health conditions are notoriously difficult to diagnose and the current focus at the moment will be on stabilising her

Ss seem totally unconcerned she’s violent and just advised (in the world’s most ridiculous letter) that she ensure the dc doesn’t witness her violence. Seemed to suggest it’s totally fine to beat you husband as long as dc don’t see it!

Again - I would get legal advice. This is a shifting situation and it may be that a letter needs to go back to social services asking for further advice and practical solutions as to how to deal with this.

I am surprised that SS are unconcerned about violence and this needs highlighted. Plus your friend needs supported to decide if he (assume it is the father?) wants to remain in a relationship where violnec is a factor

Her medical team won't discuss her care with you, but you can provide them with information. Speak to the medical team about her violent behaviour and the risk to children when she is unwell and off medication. Use the term safeguarding. Ask about a safety plan (not the details, but that she needs to have one). The medical team have a duty as well as social services, and have the ability to escalate up to social service managers if need be.