Ex is racist??

[namechange900079]

Feeling quite weird about this so I'm hoping someone could give their views on it.

ExP (We'll call Pete, not his name) and I were together for a few years, lived together have a son. We split when he was 2 months, nothing major, no abuse. We've got on well as friends since, he see's DS(now 2) regularly, pays maintenance. Blah blah blah.

Yesterday I happened to catch up with an old friend of Petes, we got onto the topic of people we used to know and Pete came up. While talking friend casually came out with, "Yeah Petes a good guy at the end of the day, mega racist though."

Now in all the time I've known Pete I have NEVER heard a racist word come out of his mouth. If I did there would be no way I could be friends, definitely not have a baby with him!!

So I asked friend to clarify, they explained that he says awful racist things, especially while playing online games. To the extent that there are two Petes in the friendship group, known as Pete and Racist Pete. I don't believe this friend would make it up, there's no reason too, plus the way it so casually came out. It was clear he was just definitely "Racist Pete".

I feel like I've almost been lied to for the whole relationship? I don't really understand what I'm feeling or supposed to do? I'd quite like to ask him if it's true and cut our friendship if it is, but how on earth do you ask that? I don't want to effect the relationship he has with our son, but usually they facetime on days they don't see eachother and today I haven't called because I'm just feeling bloody weirded out about it.

Gosh thats a shock but I can think of several reasons/explanations.

• he might have developed these views after you broke up, a sort of backlash from blm iyswim.
• he might have been hiding it from you because he knew you wouldnt like it
• he might just be saying those things without thinking about what they really mean because he gets swept up in the game.
• it might be what other people say when playing and he says it to join in with them.

I appreciate that none of the above excuse his actions, but it might not be as bad as you think.

I would try and put it to the back of your mind tbh. If it really bothers you then maybe see if there are others who have experienced racist Pete. You only have this guys word for it.

Is there anyone else you could ask to confirm?

People aren’t always racist in a fixed and unchanging way. My mum and sister have both become massively more racist in the last few years (radicalised by Facebook - it’s happening a lot).

If you get on well ask him.
It is an important question if you're raising a child together.
It might be purely gaming it isn't on especially if DS over hears him.

Try and find a second opinion. Concern is valid if your DS were to hear such views/language.