New job has made me find myself, I want out

[AnnoyingGoat]

So I’ve been in a relationship for 13 years, 2 small DC. This year I began a new job, something I’ve always wanted to do. * I’m feeling more like myself than I have in at least a decade. I feel liberated and my independence as a woman has come back.
Anyway, I want to end my relationship. I’m worried it will come completely out of the blue for OH. Because we’ve been plodding along for so long, I’m worried what he will think.
How do I start this conversation?

I’m not overly worried about money for myself, but for him if he agrees to move out and rent so I can keep the house.

It’s an unbalanced relationship in regards to home life. I do everything at home and for the DC. I’m happy to work it out so it’s fair with kids time being split. He’s a good dad. Just a bit of a shit OH, but nothing terrible.
I’m probably partly to blame, I just CANNOT face another decade of not quite being happy. There’s no big reason to split. I just think time is being called.
Is this enough? I do not want to try and make it work. I want out.

Any advice on conversation starters? What do we need to discuss? Where do I stand on the house?

Help a sister out

• [Post edited at OP's request to remove identifying details]

Good for you for raising it op. Good luck for your chat later.

No @crestar, your post was vile and misogynistic so I reported it. I wish I'd taken a screenshot. If it was intended as a reverse, it was badly written.

I agree with you crestar

Well it went surprisingly well.
Bit of a shock, but we’re ok. Had a weird couple of nights but we’re both determined to be amicable about it, in the interests of the kids and the fact there’s no real fault on either part. He’s agreed to move out and I can stay in the house until the current mortgage deal is up. Then we can decide what’s happening about selling up etc.
A hard few months ahead but hopefully we will stay friends.
Thanks for your support, and the two people who find it fun to name call trying to rock the boat. Unfortunate.
X

I bet it's a relief to have started those conversation even though it's hard. Good luck op x

Well done @AnnoyingGoat I'm in a similar position. He's not a bad person, he's done things I haven't liked that have worn me down over the years but nothing 'bad', and now I just don't feel anything for him, and we've had no physical relationship of any kind for nearly ten years. We've had all the talks, he knows I'm not happy, but he seems prepared to carry on this way so we all stay together. I've had my own counselling and took him to a couples session last November where my plan was to really make it clear to him that I want to separate, saying it in a safe place in front of the counsellor, so he couldnt just talk me out of it. I bottled it and couldnt get the words out, so we've really just rumbled along since, with more exhausting chats along the way. I just don't know how to do it, I suppose because I don't feel I can justify it. Like you, I can't face another ten years, and I don't want to waste my life. How do you tell someone they're wasting your life???!! It just feels so cruel, on top of the fact he suffers from depression and anxiety, and is really having a hard time at the moment. I just feel like such a cow. But I want a life, I want to be happy, that's all.
Good for you for being so decisive x

Honestly the relief is unreal. I have had the best sleep I’ve had in years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared and it’s daunting going into the unknown. But I think between us we can make it work for the kids.
@WakingUp55643 if you want to chat, just let me know. I’d be more than happy to talk through these first stages with you and how I’ve found it x