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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I give toxic parents a chance to explain their point of view or just back away?

3 replies

lolly667 · 31/07/2020 12:12

I'm just after some perspective because I know I'm not thinking clearly about this at the moment.

I've posted in the past with this username, so backstory is there, but it's not entirely relevant here really.

Basically I've been no contact with my family since some point last year until a few months ago. My mum messaged me after hearing I'd been unwell in hospital and we have exchanged messages back and forth with some photos of my dd and she apologised for hurting me in the past (nothing specific just a general apology). She's been showing an interest in my dd and it's been nice.

I'm still no contact with my brother and never plan to speak to him again. He is now making malicious allegations of child abuse against his ex-wife (who I still see regularly- nobody else in my family has had any contact with her for 18months). They are clearly malicious claims, I'm not just blindly saying that.

My issue is that I strongly suspect my parents will be supporting him with these allegations from everything I know about them and the accusations they have made about her to me and the wider family since they split up.

If they are supporting him I don't want to have anything to do with them, because to me that's the lowest of the low thing to do.

But do I speak to them about it and be accused of shit stirring or not minding my own business? It is a deal breaker for me. I want to protect myself and my kids from any malicious allegations by cutting contact with people who believe this is an acceptable thing to do.

I think my anger to my brother is influencing this, but I would bet every penny I have that my parents are involved in this too.

Do I just ask them about it? I can't bring myself to chat away about the weather with her or send photos of my dd when there's this massive elephant in the room.

My DH says to just slowly and quietly back away and not make waves that could see us on the receiving end of any malicious allegations, but I feel I owe them and myself a clean break if what I suspect is true. But also to give them the opportunity to say they don't agree with what he is doing.

I'm struggling to put into words how I'm feeling so I hope this makes sense. I just want to do the right thing.

OP posts:
Twaddledee · 31/07/2020 12:23

Maybe ask this question on the stately homes board?

FrenchBoule · 31/07/2020 12:26

I’m with your DH on this one.

You owe your parents nothing.

I’ve never seen toxic person ever take the blame, realise their wrongdoings and apologise.

Sometimes we need a closure and it’s never going to come.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/07/2020 23:00

Stay away from anyone who supports any false allegations... Flowers

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