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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Cam Girl Addiction.

16 replies

drizzledream · 30/07/2020 19:43

I met and got together with someone 2 and a half years ago, we have now broken up but as we live very close to each other we see each other all the time and things have turned pretty horrible.

My ex has an addiction to watching cam girls online, he says he doesn't pay for them which makes it okay. I have gone from trying to be understanding about this to being completely disgusted and alarmed. He has been around my 12 year old since we got together and although I'm 100% sure he has not touched her I worry about how he has been looking at her, I worry about how young the girls he watches are, when I raised this with him he spent 3 hours telling me I'm cuckoo and la-la and insinuating in various ways that I'm crazy for even being concerned about this.

I would be interested to know the general opinion about this kind of thing from my fellow Mum peers.

OP posts:

redbigbananafeet · 30/07/2020 19:44

Cam girls don't work for free.

AvoidingRealHumans · 30/07/2020 20:30

I wouldn't be happy with a partner 0f mine having a cam girl addiction but I can't see the link between that and your daughter- that is a massive jump.

I think that now that you have split up you are just going to have to put all the issues to bed.
You won't get the answers you want so don't waste time mulling it over.
Try and move on with your life

Time2change2 · 30/07/2020 20:35

It’s not pleasant but you are not with him now? I don’t see why cam girls mean you should be worried about your daughter? Not unless the cam girls he sought were all young teens or younger?

Original poster

drizzledream · 30/07/2020 20:53

I guess my concerns were around how he preferred me hairless and was always somewhat disconnected during sex added to which I don’t know the age range of the girls he likes to watch, when I raised these concerns he went on the offensive quite aggressively and called me cuckoo and la la and suggested I was mad. I just need to stop all this shit rattling round my head and move on.

(You can watch for free, you can watch other people’s paid sessions, it’s a kind of voyerism I suppose)

OP posts:

DrCoconut · 30/07/2020 21:16

Speaking from bitter bitter and painful experience, run for the hills now and avoid this man as much as you can. He has shown you who he is. Listen and act.

AnyFucker · 30/07/2020 21:19

Stop engaging with this loser. Your life will improve beyond measure.

backseatcookers · 30/07/2020 21:27

You know someone doesn't have to be a child abuser for you to break up with them right?

If I had a partner "addicted to cam girls" he would be my ex. Some people would be fine with it, I wouldn't. You need to decide what you are fine with.

You're well within your rights to get the deepest ick for a grown man who will watch cam girls AND have the audacity to make out that because he's watching them free of charge while he's in a relationship it's somehow less creepy of him...

You can break up with someone for any reason at any time. It's ok if you're not ok with what he's doing. It's ok if you're not ok with him minimising it to you and saying you're weird for not liking him doing it.

In my opinion (and only my opinion) it's pathetic the thought of a grown adult male watching young women on being objectified live on camera and getting their kicks out of it. Somehow it's almost worse for me that he sees not paying them for it as better.

Ugh is your bar so low? Push it up a bit and get rid of him.

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/07/2020 21:30

How come you are still seeing him OP?

JKRisagryff · 30/07/2020 21:32

If he’s your ex, leave him to it, thankfully not your problem anymore!

What is the age range? Agree that’s a big leap from cam girls to paedophilia unless he is watching underage girls?

Closetbeanmuncher · 30/07/2020 21:39

He's about as tasteful and useful as a rotting pile of garbage, and by the sounds of it he hardly rocks your world sexually either!

Life is too short for shit sex with deluded douchbags...

Raise that bar!

Original poster

drizzledream · 30/07/2020 21:59

Thanks for the replies, hive wisdom is the best!

He’s very cagey about the age of the girls he watches, it’s all just an icky creepy feeling rather than a serious concern. The suggestions here of raising the bar, moving on, all good stuff.

I still see him because we live opposite each other at the end of a narrow street. In hindsight it definitely falls under shitting where you eat!

OP posts:

RedDream · 30/07/2020 22:07

"hive wisdom" is no substitute for your own. Sometimes other people are wrong (not in this case on MN though - just get away from him is 100% right).

Not directed at you OP, but I wonder where we are going as a society (another 'hive mind'?) where women have to ask themselves whether or not this kind of behaviour is OK in a relationship .

Wondersense · 30/07/2020 22:33

Hmmmmm....doesn't sound good to me. In addition to the cam girl thing, he's doing a classic thing that many hateful, patronising, chauvinistic, sexist men do when they're challenged by women......which is to call them 'crazy' or 'cuckoo' in your case. If he's like this then expect a lot more of that in future.

RLEOM · 30/07/2020 22:35

Just because a man is addicted to porn, doesn't automatically mean he's a peado. But I totally get why this would make you feel uncomfortable and am glad you're no longer together.

Jennifer2r · 30/07/2020 22:51

Why is it better because he doesn't pay for it

MMmomDD · 30/07/2020 22:55

OP - hairless is how many women are these days. Not only in porn, but in general. At least judging by the sample if women in my gym.

It is a huge leap to presume he is a pedofile just because he watched cam girls/porn. And while you might not like that he did - I do think it’s offensive to make that leap and accuse anyone.
While it’s true that younger women are more attractive to most men, in a general sense, and all has evolutionary basis, of course - that doesn’t mean that grown men have any draw towards children. And a 12yo is a child.

So - you don’t need to make a monster out fo him to justify your breakup. You don’t need a reason why you aren’t with him. Not being happy is a reason enough.

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