Advice for a difficult conversation with friend?

[turquoisepineapple]

I have a good friend I've known for over years, we're very close but sometimes her behaviour can be a bit overbearing or dismissive and I feel upset about how she talks to me. She never really acknowledges or understands this and just thinks I'm oversensitive.

I challenged her on it recently trying to give an example of something that had just happened and explain why it upset me, but it didn't go very well and she got defensive - in the end I felt like I shouldn't have bothered raising it but also that I hadn't handled the conversation very well (also it was by text which was not the best idea.) I do think she cares about the friendship and has got back in touch saying she'd like to speak to me about it, I think we both want to resolve things.

My question is if anyone has any advice on how to approach this conversation to make sure it is positive and constructive? She does have a tendency to tell me I'm wrong in how I'm perceiving or interpreting things. I don't want to be put in a position where I have to justify all my feelings, and I don't think it would be very productive for me to go through details of previous incidents as each one on their own will sound a bit petty, it's more the accumulation of rude/dismissive behaviour IYSWIM. I often end up apologising to her when I wish I had held my ground, I want to be assertive without being confrontational as I do value her friendship and would love the conversation to clear the air and put us on a better footing.

Sorry for not going into more detail but I'd love it if anyone has any general advice about how to approach this kind of conversation? Thank you.

All I can say by the limited offer of information here is that you need to tell her about how her behaviour makes you feel. Then ask that she listens and adjusts future behaviour to make sure it doesn't hurt you. If she is a friend, she will understand. Don't say a lot other than that, because if she easily manipulates you for whatever reason the more you say the more she can twist it. Instead observe how she reacts to what you say. This should give you all you need to know.

I think you need to tell her that she does not get to tell you how you should feel. Tell her your feelings and perceptions are your own and if you tell her something is upsetting then as a friend she needs to accept that rather than tell you that you are wrong and minimise.

I’d say that you know she sometimes feels things very strongly but that you are entitled to your opinion, which is equally valid.

You value her as a friend but you just need to stand up for your view, and hope she understands. Agreeing to disagree is the sign of a strong friendship.

Then if/when she gets carried away or overbearing again, just say ”It’s one of those agree-to-disagree moments’ and don’t engage further.
Hopefully she’ll get the hang of it.

I wouldn't bother.. she won't listen and you will feel undermined again... I couldn't be around someone like this and would distance myself... but that's just me...