Getting high

[Aletris]

Hi all,
Would appreciate some perspective as my tolerance is wearing thin.
My DPs marijuana smoking is really getting me down. Together 3 years. New he smoked a little now and then, didn't realise until started living together that actually he's completely addicted (will smoke it first thing in the morning) and still able to function - to me that's a sign of doing it a lot for a prolonged period but I could be wrong (personally I can't stand the stuff, tried it a couple of times, nothing but panic attacks).
Anyway he'll smoke it and get on with his day (this is a worry for me- what if he lost his job)?
Has it much more in the evening, he just turns in to a red eyed giggling baby -such a turn off, and falls asleep. He's 8 years older than me (he's mid 40s).
I've expressed my concerns a few times, he says it's under control. Doesn't seem to be to me. Don't want to go down the whole ultimatum route but I suppose I don't have a choice?

Why bother at all?
He's a stoner - a drug addict.
What are his good points?
What is the point of him?
What is the living situation?
Do you want DC in the future?

If he was drinking alcohol first thing in the morning would be so questioning of it? It's not good. I'm no anti drugs wowser, people want to have a toke in the evening a couple of nights a week in the same way someone has a few drinks then go for it, but doing it when you wake up is addiction.

If it's a deal-breaker for you then it's a deal-breaker. You can't force him to stop, he can't force you to change your mind.

Is your life going to be improved by being single, over being with someone who likes to get baked every night?

Thanks for your replies.
I do want some children. Last year he kept saying 'let's have a baby' it would be so nice, then when I mentioned it recently he said 'I am happy to have one but also happy not to but now isn't a good time due to money, maybe next year or the year after'. I felt quite crushed, because it's flaky. I don't want to go ahead with someone that can't give me a straight answer- you know? Anyway,
There have been a few times where he is 'skint' and I've had to pay for things yet he can miraculously find funds for his herb. This of course really winds me up. He earns good money as well, I don't get where it all goes.

He isn't completely awful though. The weird thing is he is easier to get along with when he's stoned. I can tell when he's run out because he's irritable and restless and this makes me feel anxious.

He's a pot head not a social or occasional smoker.

There's a lot of Difference between having a few pulls of an evening or a weekend to blazing up first thing in the morning just to get through the day.

Same as you wouldn't get up and have a wine and soda would you? Time and a place.

Don't have a baby with him ffs.

Is this really the male role model you want for any of your future DC?
No point wasting any more of your fertile years on this loser.
Time to get out and live your life without having to work it around him having a smoke!

I do want some children. Last year he kept saying 'let's have a baby' it would be so nice, then when I mentioned it recently he said 'I am happy to have one but also happy not to but now isn't a good time due to money, maybe next year or the year after'. I felt quite crushed, because it's flaky. I don't want to go ahead with someone that can't give me a straight answer- you know?

He doesn't want children. He'll keep putting you off.
You're late 30s. You don't have years to waste on this loser.

Anyway, even if he was to say let's try for a baby tomorrow, do you honestly think this is the father you'd want for your children.

1. He's stoned all the time and he's not going to give that up
2. He's financially irresponsible. You've had to pay for things because he's skint but he has money for dope. How's this going to work when your on maternity leave?

I wouldn't bother giving him an ultimatum. Just leave and find someone decent to have children with.

Get out now.

He earns good money as well, I don't get where it all goes.

It goes on him. On his habit. He will never prioritise you or any children you have together. Seriously - if he had to make a choice between milk for the baby and weed for him, he'd choose weed.

And he'd blame you for not being able to feed your baby. Everything will be someone else's fault.

I have struggled with marijuana addiction & when you’re a chronic smoker you do it 24/7.

You want a baby with this stoner guy & dislike his habits

You will be expecting him to change his ways if a baby comes

All his money goes on weed - am sure it’s cheaper in your country but he is likely smoking a couple of hundred bucks a week.

I have recently stopped smoking marijuana to take a break & get my finances in order for 2020. You can’t or should not force someone to change for you.

You would be insane to being a baby into this relationship, because you don’t like his lifestyle & this will impact on you if you decide to have a baby.

Seriously if you want a family drop this drongo !

He won't stop smoking it when you have a baby. Hes addicted. And doesn't think that's it's an issue. I'd leave him. Stoners are complete wasters and rarely change.

Christ, don't have a baby with a middle-aged stoner.

He's alright as a boyfriend, but if you want a partner and father to your children, no.

He's alright as a boyfriend

No IMO. The shame!

I've had a stoner boyfriend but it went against my views as someone who sees weed as very destructive, due to ending up in hospital with bipolar when an earlier boyfriend shared some spliffs with me. It even made me a bit hyper after being in the same room as him getting stoned.

Thanks again for your replies. I do find myself thinking about the long term implications a lot.
I'm not reliant on him in terms of our living circumstances (we rent together so no major financial commitments). I am not beholden to him. I think it's just been a bit of a shock- you don't really know someone until you live with them- so his reliance on it hasn't become apparent until fairly recently. Since then I've been trying to work out if I'm being intolerant or unsupportive.
I do appreciate all your advice.
Vikingwife- I'm sorry to hear about your struggles but I do thank you for introducing me to the word 'drongo'- I love it.

Seriously, if you're mid-30s and want children - you need to stop wasting your time with your stoner, ditch him and start over.

He's no kind of a dad-to-be.