Self esteem at rock bottom

[Notgettinganyyounger23]

Hi, I dont know why I'm posting but I can't sleep and I'm feeling awful. I stayed in a relationship for to long, we had lots of issues but I really did love him. One of our main issues was his lack of interest in sex. We hardly ever had it, he wasn't interested he would go 6 months I would cry we would have sex then that would be it. We broke up just over 3 weeks ago and I found out he spent a planned night in a hotel a couple of nights ago with a woman and they slept together. I'm feeling really low about myself, I feel unnatractive and can't stop crying. I know he can sleep with who he wants, we arent together but it's just a kick in teeth.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna–whore_complex
Or watch the film - Shame (Michael Fassbender). Don’t blame yourself.

Thank you, it's knocked me sideways, I'm just feeling incredibly low.

I don’t like the term ‘Madonna Whore’ but this - and the film - deals with the issue of men’s arousal from casual sex/rather than a committed respectful relationship. If you regarded your as a partner for casual sex, do you think he would have wanted more sex? I suspect the answer is yes. So it’s not about you, it’s about different needs - and you’ll find a partner who is aroused by a loving, committed relationship with you.

*sorry - if your partner regarded your relationship as ‘casual’ would you have had more sex

I will see if i can watch it, thank you.

Did you and he have sex in the beginning stages of the relationship?

How did you find out about him doing this? You need to avoid contact and avoid news about him whoever/however it's coming to you, while you're coming to terms with the end.

He may even be doing this deliberately to hurt you.

No contact, and do nice things for yourself. He's not your problem now.

He still has contact with my daughter and grandson, he told them he was working away but his work vans were still parked at work so obvious really. He even Face timed my daughter and grandson from the hotel room pretending to be at work which I think is disgusting. He has apologised said he didn't/ doesn't want to hurt me and it was nothing. I just said it doesn't really matter now.

He was doing it to make a point then, deliberately to get to you.

So it was not about sex with some other woman, it was barely about her at all. You knew already he can do it mechanically if he decides to.

Don't let him get to you.

Ask your daughter not to share things like this with you.

I really don't think he meant for me to find out. I guess I pushed him to tell the truth, wish I hadn't really now because i feel like pants.

Come on now, he facetimed your daughter from the hotel room.

Of course he intended you to find out.

He says a lot of things, but they're all bollocks.

He says a lot of things, but they're all bollocks......Ha ha this made me laugh.

It's true tho. He's got his own agenda, and I'm sure he's very convincing and all in person, but it's just bollocks.

You will be fine without him. It's painful right now, but you will be fine .

Thank you

There's a certain type of person who gets more out of withholding sex and affection, than they do from a mutually driven sex life. They're more into the power trip and prefer to have the other person touch-starved and feeling shit about themselves. They often make the other person feel like they must be sex-mad and a bit disgusting.

If he was emotionally abusive in your relationship, I would think about whether this might apply.

He was not in a great place when I met him. Living at his moms, drinking to much, work was intermittent. I have a great job, home etc I think maybe he didn't ever fancy me but liked the security and life we had. I shouldn't have let it go on so long but he always said sex wasn't his thing he wasn't interested in it .. but obviously with what happened he clearly is.