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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving on - new partner and DC

3 replies

Coldbit · 29/07/2020 21:48

I'm nearly 2 years separated with 2 DC. Ex moved on pretty quickly and started a new relationship within 6 m of moving out and wasted no time introducing his new girlfriend to our children, them all staying overnight at hers etc.
After some gruesome OLD I met a lovely man and we have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has met my children a couple of times, he's dropped by the house for a cuppa and its been fine, they like him and he likes them too.
The issue is me - this just feels really weird spending time as a family group with a man who isn't their dad. I have no lingering feelings towards my ex at all and it genuinely doesn't bother me that he is with someone else, although the speed at which that happened was a bit of a surprise. I want my new relationship to work out and have been careful to take things slowly but this almost feels like I'm doing something wrong by being with someone new, despite DC and friends being supportive. New partner has suggested us all going out for the day together and I' really not sure I'm ready for that.
I'm not sure why I feel like this. I'm feeling a bit down about it though and wondered if anyone else had experienced similar and could offer some words of wisdom?

OP posts:
gobananasgo · 29/07/2020 21:56

I suppose only you can only see how he is with the kids if you go ahead . If you are going to become part of each lives it will be important. Does he have kids himself ? Is he used to children nieces / nephews? It could be shock for him and I know what you mean you doing family things when not a family.

If you have any concerns then slow it down use the kids as an excuse to cool it.

Coldbit · 29/07/2020 22:14

Thanks for your reply. He doesn't have children himself but is used to being around them and knows how to relate to them etc.
Its not him, he's really great and makes me happy. Its just the thought of us all going out together when we will look to the outside works as though we are a family unit makes me feel kind of nervous

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2020 22:31

It’ll be weirder for him OP, he doesn’t have any kids and people looking at you all will assume he’s a father of two who he only met a few months ago!

But that’s beside the point, you have to trust your gut and if you’re not ready you’re not ready. How often are your DC with their dad? Lots of people wouldn’t introduce a new partner till 6 months. Why not dial it back a bit and focus on dating, getting to know him better, enjoying adult company.

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