Does anyone else live with more than one generation?

[MrsVMorgan]

I just wondered if anyone was in a similar boat (3 generations here).

I accept that at the moment, our situation is what it is and I’m not looking for advice to change it as it’s just not possible at the moment due to various reasons.

I am struggling with not having control in the house. The house is cluttered and often very messy. It’s incredibly hard to tidy up other adults mess when they have no desire to tidy up themselves.

I would love to declutter but it’s not mine to get rid of. I have tried. For example, there are about 30 cookbooks (most don’t fit on the shelf). I would say there only 2 ever used (and even that is rarely) but when I suggested donating some to charity, I was met with . I keep our things tidy but that’s like a drop in the ocean.

I am finding myself getting irritated with the most mundane things (I think that’s maybe because we have all been home together for so many months).

There are a lot of expectations on me as a woman. Caring for an elderly family member (think care home level of care but at home), cleaning etc. I do it because I feel it’s my duty and responsibility but it feels like being trapped.
If/when we leave, it would incredibly hard for elderly family to cope without significant outside help, which they don’t want.

Does anyone who’s been in a similar situation with their family have any advice on how they have coped in a similar situation?
There’s only so many trips to the park/put the house we can make.

It sounds extremely challenging. I have had at least three family members to stay for anything up to six months and it was not easy (not at the same time).

Why is your elderly relative refusing outside help and expecting you to be the carer?

Are you a stay at home mum?

My suggestions:.
Create a housework rota for communal areas
Spend as much time as you can in your bedroom
Arrange outings each day that get you out of the house for at least a few hours
When you feel you are ready to combust, go for a walk alone

I think there are many factors

• how long have you been there, is everyone still settling into a new routine?
• have you moved into their home?

-was there an open discussion about everyone's expectations, and if not then I think that might be the best place to start. But also I think there is a certain element of picking your battles and accepting that you are living with other adults and that everyones voice needs to be heard.

I did but with four generations lol 😂 just got back from a week away and that was enough.

It had its ups and down and when it was the downs it was extremely frustrating.

I live alone with my dc now and I realised I'm a lonely person. I like being alone and can't deal with the noise of others 🤣 probably years of dealing with it

Yup! I live with my 66-year-old dad and my nearly 2-year-old daughter.

My daughter makes a mess, as you can imagine. But my dad? Well, he's the most cluttered and unorganised person I know.

He has no sense when it comes to furniture. He buys naked shelves with no sides, no back, and no doors, just shelves. He then throws all his stuff on top of each other so it's one big mess. If the he bought real cupboards, he could hide his mess.

He recently tried to sort out his mess and bought lots of transparent plastic boxes to put stuff in, but you can still see all the mess. 🤦‍♀️ every room has his junk in. And he encourages my daughter to draw on the windows. And don't even get me started on the lack of dusting etc.

I grew up living with my parents, grandparents and great-uncle (whose house it was), and I’ll be honest, OP, It was a miserable way to grow up for me and my siblings, for all the reasons you mention. Lots of pressure to be dutiful girls and do housework, and yes, a sense we were in the way whenever we were home, and that the house didn’t belong to us.

They might not agree to donate stuff but would they agree to boxing some up? Say you would like some space for some of your cookbooks .

Or if they are generous, you might know someone who badly needs cookbooks for their kids etc.

Is there a few rooms you can have as yours to keep clutterfree? Somewhere to escape the mess. And it might motivate them to keep their rooms better

My parents have 40 year old World Books, all 20 something volumes, that haven't been opened in 30 years, but must be kept as they cost £££ in the 80's