I think ive ruined my relationship

[DEVONGIRL25]

Hello,

Please could someone offer some advice.

I'm new to this, but feel like I am at a loss as to what i should do. I started dating my boyfriend about 7 months ago. We have been best friends for about 3 years and I really believed I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.

However, he has just asked for some space. We keep having this arguments which last for days, over something so minor but I over react and cant seem to move past things quickly. I think it is because in my last relationship I never really stood up for myself and so I feel this need to tell him if I think its wrong, but my reaction is so big and even after he apologizes I cant seem to move on.

Have I completely ruined my relationship for good and is there anyway back from this?

Also, i'm not sure how I feel about him taking space, to me it feels as though i have lost him for good?

Please help. Thank you x

Taking this on face value OP it sounds like you aren’t in the right place for a relationship. Obviously we can’t comment on the arguments or your reactions, but if the way you act is making you uncomfortable then you need to go away and look at your behaviour. If it is however the case that he’s being a dick then doubling down then I can see why you would react badly. As I said it’s impossible to say on the info you have given but I think it’s obvious this relationship isn’t right for you at this time.

I agree with pp. It sounds like you need to work on yourself a bit. Maybe take some space, see a counsellor and then see where you’re at?

Agree with PPs... it seems like YOU need some space. You need to learn to relax and enjoy your relationship. All couples disagree but there's no need to make sure a big thing of it. Learn to communicate better... you don't even need to agree with each other at the end of the day, just respectfully disagree. I've definitely noticed I've argued with my bf more over the past few months and I think it's due to the stress of the pandemic. However I told him how I felt and how the anxiety was making me on edge and we haven't argued since.

If I were you, I'd give your bf the space he's asked for, use that time to do some self reflection and when he comes back (I'm sure he will) you need to be honest with him about how you're feeling and agree not to let arguments escalate going forward.

Good luck!

I agree with others, it seems like you need to work on yourself before you have a relationship

Please do some work on yourself.
You know you have certain issues and that is a great first step.
Now you need to tackle them.
If your previous relationship was abusive then have a chat with Womens Aid. Sign up to do their Freedom Programme and ask them for a list of specialist counsellors in your area that cover abuse.

Any disagreement is just that.
You discuss it. You agree to disagree or you compromise and then you move on.
Nothing should last for days.
Work on you and then you can move forward with your life.
You will never have a healthy relationship while you have this frame of mind.

Good luck OP.

It really depends on whether he is allowing you your voice and your opinion, or not. If he is punishing or dismissing you for expressing an opinion different from his, then that is abusive and you should be glad he's gone.

However if you are carrying on picking at a discussion that has run it's course and you have been listened to fairly, then you might benefit from taking a breather and thinking about ways to cope better when you don't see eye to eye with someone.

Thank you for your help everyone. It’s really appreciated x