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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL always inserting herself *rant*

7 replies

alesha123445 · 29/07/2020 13:54

Hey :) Ive been with my partner for 2 and half years and we have a little girl together. I ended up moveing to my partners area which is 1 hour from my family.

My MIL is a wonderful woman, she is very careing, helpful, loveing and welcomed me in to the family with open arms. I love her very much but im also getting close to erupting and telling her to stfu and but out 😶 So despite me loveing her im also getting really inpatient with her. She has this weird mentality where she thinks its okay to stand there trying to sort out our realtionship issues and to even ask about them. Yesterday me and my partner were bickering like the average couple, she happens to come in and can tell we are annoyed with each other. she stands there asking whats going on with us and tries to give us advice??? I walked upstairs because i could feel myself getting annoyed already but i could hear everything.
My partner eventually told her (i know my partner shouldnt of) and she stood there for a good 1h 30mins going on and on with her advice. My partners depressed and as a couple we are struggling, i stupidly told her once. At the time i saw it as chatting to a friend and i know its silly as she my partners mum but i never intended for a friend to take upon themselves to interfere and try and solve them😐 so anyway she also goes on about my partner's issues but weve been makeing really good progress and so has he, then she goes and brings stuff up which we are already getting past.

She also walked around the house going to my partner, whats all these bottles doing here? (they were tins and such from what i used to cook diner with and hadnt got round to) and takes it upon herself to start cleaning the house, going on about things like the 2 bottles of pesi opened when there should only be 1 opened. Going on about us spending too much on food and we shouldnt buy this and that in the fridge.I would never go in to her house and point out the wrappers left beside her bed or tell her she shouldny buy this and that. It angers me haveing her walk in to the house and say things about a small bit of mess after ive had such a long day none stop cleaning, looking after the baby, makeing 2 different dinners the washing ect. She spoke about it to my partner as if he shouldve done it, but i felt offended by it and thought it was rude and aimed at me. Theres been times where itll be just me and the MIL and she'll go "so how are you both doing" waiting for me to say something bad so she can get the gossip and sit there giving her unappreciated, uncalled for advice.I always say we are fine, but the fact she asks annoys me.
She has 2 other sons, shes even took it upon herself to message one of there exes to ask if they still love him because she believes they will regret not being together when they are older? Her son cheated on this girl and shes made it clear she has moved on, but because her son is still upset and misses her after years she takes it upon herself to get involved. Btw this son is also with another girl and its been going really well, she ecouraged him to be with this girl and then goes and message his ex???????

Whats with her mentality of believing its right to involve herself in her sons relationships, theres boundaries and she crosses them. Its all so weird to me because my mum would never. Son, daughter it doesnt matter.. there relationships arent yours?
Ive spoke to my partner about it but he doesnt say anything. He sits there on his phone as she goes on and on, takeing in nothing she says. Ive wanted to bring it up to her but its hard to without sounding argumentative no matter how nice i try to word it.

Anyone else have a mil or family member like this

OP posts:
alesha123445 · 29/07/2020 14:05

i guess a lot of it comes from her desire for her sons to be happy, especially me and my partner because ae have a little girl. its just weird..

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 29/07/2020 14:25

Have you tried telling her to stop or she isn’t welcome in your house? What right does she have to rant at you? Messaging her son’s ex just shows how crazy this behaviour is. Stop her and tell her it’s not acceptable. If your DP won’t stand up to her, you will have to. Is she constantly round your house? I think I’d limit her visits.

TorySon69 · 29/07/2020 14:26

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/07/2020 14:36

"Yesterday me and my partner were bickering like the average couple, she happens to come in and can tell we are annoyed with each other".

She happens to come in?. Who lets her into your home?.

You do not mention your partner's dad in all this either; where is he?.

What are your man's boundaries like when it comes to his mother; his inertia when it comes to her simply hurts him as well as you. My guess is that she has always been like this towards her sons and she will not change for them, you or anyone else.

His mother is not a lovely woman at all so stop with calling her such. Why did you write that of her at all?. You would not tolerate this from a friend nor your own mother, not that she behaves like this anyway towards you both. She is overbearing, interfering to say the very least and has no respect for boundaries.

Lochie662 · 29/07/2020 14:44

Wow, she sounds certifiable. This is more than interfering..... I don't know what advice to give, except to say , this isn't normal. It really isn't. You need to create strong boundaries with your husband and you need to instill and protect them constantly.

1forAll74 · 29/07/2020 15:07

If your partner is not efficient enough to speak to his Mother about her constant meddling, then sadly you will have to do it, and loud enough, that she eventually gets the message. It may be in her personality, that she is a meddling over the top MIL, but you have to stand up for yourself with this type of person. You sound youngish, but you have to take control in your own home.

FizzyGreenWater · 29/07/2020 16:08

Moooooove far away!

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