Hi everyone,
I had previously posted on how I found out my husbands emotional affair in jan 2019. After I found out I tried several times to ask him to open up to me and tell me honestly what had happened but he never did. All I get is defensiveness and a lot of blame as to how he had to put up with me for 13 years that I fought with him etc etc.
I tried to tell him that we need to talk about issues including the affair for me to have a closure but DH is adamantly that we should move forward and he will never do this again.
I never had an emotional connection with DH, something I always missed and also I was hoping that if we communicate openly we can slowly put this behind us. He does not understand why I need a closure and how he has betrayed me.
I feel like I can’t beg him to see my side and work on the relationship by not brushing what has happened under the carpet.
This situation is affecting me a lot, we have a son 11 years old. At home we both don’t talk to each other, mostly because he wants to only have superficial conversations and never like me addressing the affair and I feel like if I don’t address it now then I will forever be in pain.
My mum thinks I should forgive him, my brother feels like I should carry on as normal because I have a son and that I am 40 so my life is already over. They both love me but they don’t understand what I want in this relationship.
DH is a good man but always been emotionally distant and closed. He is happy when things are Going smooth. In all the married years he has never been able to handle when we have had issues. Normally he will say I am doing drama or that how I should change my behaviour. Some of the so called drama after years past he has accepted his mistake but by then I had to fight argue and do things my way simply because he could not see my point of view at that time.
Is there anyone out there who has gone through similar things. Is there anyway he will ever see how our future relationship is dependent on how we both work on it now. His idea is to move forward and never discuss anything.
I don’t have trust in that method, we both are so different that divorce is the only option. I am scared as I don’t have any family support(I work and have some savings) with the decision, I am sure DH will accept for divorce and go ahead with all the formalities because for him that is easier than talking.
For me I like the man but not his approach of not addressing and I have waited patiently thinking he will understand but don’t think it will happen.
I can’t leave my self respect and beg him to talk as several times when I have tried he is extremely defensive.
Can anyone understand my story, am i wrong to expect what I do. Do you think he will ever take the step to come and talk to me.
Please openly tell me if I am doing something wrong or how I should be handling this or if there is a better way to deal. I tried asking common friend And my brother to talk to DH but both could not convince him. All they said was that DH has a lot of complains on me which I also have but does not take away the fact that none of the past fights had trust related issues.