Hi all,
Would post this on the dating thread but no idea how it works 
I want some advice as you are always so great at offering this and I have conflicting feelings about what to do next.
I want to point out that I have been single for 12 months and have had TERRIBLE luck with online dating. Men ghosting me after we slept together or after dating for three months. Men just breadcumbing me.
I have realised that in the past I probably have let myself get too invested too early and that this may have been picked up by the men I have dated and hasn't ended positively for me.
I will point out that I am a strong, independent woman. I have my own home, a career, a nice car, lovely friends, lovely family. I realised early on into my dating disasters that there was obviously something I was doing wrong because no one could believe that I was having such a difficult time. I think I come across as self assured and not 'needy' in any way. I have a busy life and never chance my plans to accommodate a man.
I met a guy online at start of lockdown (around April time). He lives a two hour drive away. We matched as he was working near where I live as a one off. I thought when we realised how far away we lived from each other that we would both sort of change our minds however he seemed keen and I really liked the sound of him. He was consistent and clear about his intentions and it was all really positive. I don't think I have ever met anyone in the past 12 months that seemed so interested in me.
Story is that we hit it off immediately. He was messaging me lots and eventually asked for my number. Then we text quite a lot. Eventually he asked to do a virtual date. We dated virtually (a date once or twice per week for a while). He would call me and I would call him. He would send me voice notes and seemed to take a real interest in my life, asking questions and remembering everything I told him.
Then eventually the restrictions lessened and he asked to meet me. He drove for two hours just to go for a walk and then we had takeaway in my garden. He got to me about 2pm and left at 9.30pm. We got on well in person and we had a few kisses. We had already mentioned another date whilst on the first one.
We spoke on the phone the following week. Then the following weekend we met again. I drove to his house on Saturday late afternoon and we looked around the place where he lives, he took me for a walk, he made me dinner, we watched a film and I stayed over. We didn't sleep together but there was some kissing, making out etc. I told him that I want to take things slow and he said 'of course'.
I stayed on Sunday till about 5pm when I left as he was going for dinner with his parents and I needed to get home. I messaged when I got home and he told me had a nice time with me and was glad I was back safe.
The issues I am faced with now are:
- the next day I didn't hear from him until later that day (I usually get 'good morning' texts.
- I have felt a shift in his communication levels, he was not messaging me as much as they seemed less interested.
- He usually calls me beautiful etc but this has stopped.
- He has previously asked me out on dates and initiated phone calls and facetimes but this has not happened.
- I was concerned that perhaps he was after sex, realised he wasn't going to get it that easily and thought, well I can;t be bothered with this. I thought perhaps he would just breadcrumb me and then eventually drop off the face of the earth.
- Or he decided that I live too far and it wasn't worth it.
I therefore lent back a little and left it to him as I was feeling him distancing himself. I thought this would be the best course of action. I have basically just mirrored his actions. If he messages, I message, if he asks a question, I answer and ask him one. If he makes a statement, I just leave it until he contacts me again.
Since then, he has initiated all text conversations, asking questions, taking an interest, telling me what he is up to. He has sent me voice notes. I called him and he answered right away and we spoke for 2.5 hours. He seemed pleased to hear from me. He will message me throughout the day generally. He seems to be getting more and more enthusiastic as the days go on.
He hasn't however arranged another date despite me telling him I am getting busy. He hasn't called me or arranged another virtual date. All of which he has done previously. So he isn't worried about rejection. He was the driving force behind everything previously.
I have chased men before and it has never worked out well for me. I don't know whether to ask him to do something this weekend. But surely if he was keen he would have asked by now? Maybe he is only after one thing?
I had such a good feeling about this guy initially. We got on so well. I felt like I could be completely open with him about my feelings etc and now I feel like I am being forced to play games. I don't know what to do for the best.
I am usually very intuitive when it comes to this stuff, I can feel when someone's interest is waning however I cannot tell with this guy as he is continuing to make contact with me.
Any advice, guidance, views, would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
L x