How to be happily single?

[Flowerbomber92]

I split up with my partner of 12 years back in September last year (my decision), we have 3 kids and had been together since we were teenagers so a relationship is all I've ever known in my adult life. Since then I've had a couple of dates, but tbh I want to be single n live a little, problem is that when I am not chatting/dating with anyone I do feel as if I want to date, any tips on being content with just being single?

I'm the same OP, split from an unhappy 17 year marriage last year and have had some unsuccessful flings online. I've decided its best to be single for now as I need to work on myself a bit. However I start getting restless after a short while and am tempted to go back online to chat to unsuitable men! Any tips to be happy by myself would be great from others here.

It feels like I'll never be content, really do not know what I want in life and feel as if I've wasted the best part of it in a crap relationship

I've been single for 9 years now. Most of the time I'm fine but occasionally I get lonely and would like a relationship.

The good bits of being single are being free to do new things on the spur of the moment, not having to justify myself or put up with scrutiny. I'm much more relaxed. My relationship with DS is much better because things are low key.

Since I've been single I've taken up running & karate. We eat more interesting foods, we do more things together, cycling & kite flying. With no man around, things don't have to be impressive - no big car, no grand holiday, we can eat supper in the garden rather than have 20 people round to admire the new barbecue. Life can be smaller & easier going somehow. That would be hard to give up.

I feel the same, together from our teens, 2 girls and mostly unhappy throughout the whole marriage. Im 39 now and feel angry that I wasted my life so far on a toxic marriage. This is why I need to be single so I can heal from it but I also want to find love and happiness. I cant decide what I really want and modern dating is so hard!

I'm in the same boat OP. I have a love/ hate relationship with the dating apps. I delete them, then hear Tinderella stories from everyone around me, including on MN, then I wonder if I'm doing it wrong, I go back on thinking it'll be different, only to delete it again. The cycle keeps going!

My marriage was very toxic and emotionally abusive but I'm looking for my right person and have decided to view singleness as prep time: like going back to school as a mature student; you learn with intention, and soak up as much experience as you can, and just like school, you tell yourself it's not forever and it will fly by without you realising, so relish in it and you will emerge an even better version of yourself.

What I am doing and have done is a lot of reading around relationships, attachment and emotions. I do not want to be attracting the wrong men, and any man that I do end up dating, I'd like to make sure I get it right so these books really helped.

I've joined some airbnb online experiences which I loved.

I'm exercising- not running or anything strenuous, but Yoga and Pilates is just as good at home

I'm journalling- any crap that comes into my head that makes me sad or angry goes down on paper, as it is cathartic.

I'm moving into my own place for the first time with my son so I am really getting into the zone of visualising how I'd like the place to look, doing plenty of window shopping online.

Weekly at home spa treatments- and taking the time to really enjoy what I am doing, so it can be a ritual.

I'm looking into joining an art class; pottery maybe as I can make a few gifts for friends this Christmas and for my home

I also plan little road trips with my son- granted these days it is somewhat difficult, but last year it was great fun and filled up our calendar.

When I get low, I get VERY low, and my plan is to fill my days with things that I like that make me happy- and inject a bit of spontaneity with my son. When you do little things that make you happy and do them often, it doesn't give much time to think of what else you perceive to be missing.

Fill your own cup so to speak- and mend any cracks :)

I lived with my mum and two siblings after my parents split, we were so poor we couldn’t afford heating but it was one of the happiest times of my life. My mum always said keep busy, maintain friendships, be creative, and keep active and you won’t have a chance to be unhappy! She was single for about ten years, had ups and downs but lots of fun dancing on tables, drinking with me and my friends etc, and pursued her own goals which I found very inspiring, then met someone amazing. Yes being single can be shitty but it can also be loads of fun, you have so much freedom! And if I’m doubt read MN relationships and feel lucky you’re not with those guys, I just read about someone’s DH who tried to strangle the cat

Oh and they were married for 20 years!

This is true. The stories you hear on some of the threads are truly sad :(

In my mind dating and chatting online aren't inconsistent with being single. I'm very single. I live with my kids, I have made no commitments to anyone, I plan my own life and activities and can see who I want. I also date and chat online to a few men. I'm not in a relationship with any of them but I enjoy our interactions and any time we spend together. If one of them was to develop into a relationship which I'm not even sure I want, I'd stop chatting to the others and because there is more than one I'm not overly invested. I like them all but they come and they go and my life in no way depends on them. Its a fun aside and I have other hobbies and real life friends too.