DH is being a dick!

[SheilaMJ]

I'm really just posting here to have a good old rant about my dh.

I am an early riser, always have been, apart from 2015 to 2018 I suffered terribly with depression, and anxiety, which resulted in me making more than one attempt on my life, and an inpatient stay.

I finally gave in and started taking antidepressants and since then I've been like a new woman back to my old self. During those years I let myself and our home go.. i mean I kept the house clean and tidy (ish), but now it's back to how it used to be gleaming and I've totally redecorated during lock down, I've done a ton of DIY thats been needed ive built a bathroom cabinet from reclaimed wood, bought and built bedroom furniture, lay new flooring, fixed new taps, light fittings ive literally remodelled house (cosmetically of course have taken the sledge hammer to any walls) and it is unrecognisable its brilliant and I'm so proud of what I have achieved. I did it all on my own as he was working, and I was working from home.

Sorry a bit off topic there...
Me and dh have been together 10 years so its not like me being an early riser is something new.

This morning I woke at 5am as usual went to the loo then got back into bed for an hour dozing. I then got up. Let the dogs into the garden and sat outside with a coffee.. like I always do, and have done before I had depression, butnrarelynehike I was suffering, dh will sometimes sit with me, but the last couple of mornings he has had a right face one when he surfaced at 6.30.. today he was ranting and raving about me getting up early every morning when I'm off work, its pathetic , its sad, he preferred the old depressed and lazy Sheila. I let him have his little strop then I told him he is the one that is pathetic for getting so wound up I get up early which isn't actually early its a normal time, if he went to bed before midnight he wouldn't be so tired, and if he spoke to me like that again when he gets in from work he will be greeted by a suitcase and can go to his mothers.

I'm apparently selfish for not taking his needs into account.. i just laughed at him and walked off.. once he had his shower he came down stairs and brought me a coffee and apologised. I said I appreciated the apology. He told me that he is feeling the effects of reducing on his tramadol. (With monitoring from the gp) he had an accident last year fell off a ladder broke his leg in 4 places, so was put on the pain killers..

I said I understand what you are going through because I've been tramadol myself i was prescribed and taking 8 a day. (He started on 6) so I have been through the withdrawal myself, and it is not nice but I never took it out on him, I'm a suffer in silence type
I'm still really annoyed with him and suppose just posting to have a rant really... so today my dh is a dick!

What a horrible thing for your husband to say! I'm glad he apologised, I'm not surprised you're still angry though.

he preferred the old depressed and lazy Sheila

Not sure if I could forgive that tbh.

What impact does your getting up early have on him?
If you were my DP, the getting up ridiculously early, back in bed for an hour then getting up again would completely destroy my ability to get a proper sleep. Once disturbed I can't easily get back to sleep.

No excuse for him being a gobshite though.

well it wasn't very nice of him at all to say that understatement but at least he had a think about it and apologised later explaining why. only you will know if he was being genuine or not. hopefully it won't happen again, he's given his head a wobble and sorted himself out. hopefully it is all down to the tramadol which i have been told is bad shit to be avoided if at all possible by those in the know.

Do you have to go back to bed for an hour after you've got up?
I'm not gonna lie. That would drive me crazy.
Get up and stay up and leave him to sleep.
Once his withdrawal has lessened you can go back to how it was before.
Have a bit of an extra nap on the couch if you need to.

What he said though was awful.
I'm very glad he apologised.

I think you are being inconsiderate if you are disturbing him early in the morning. I'm glad he has apologised as he did go about it the wrong way. There is room for compromise here.

Hi all
Sorry I'm late in getting back thanks for taking the time to read and reply 🙂
In hindsight yes I just should of gone straight downstairs however he was snoring his head off at the time and I was when I left the room. But again I agree with you all in i should have just gone straight gown stairs.

He was genuinely sorry for what he said, in 10 years we've had 2 big arguments i can think of, and we rarely bicker, we just gel so well, we are lucky some of our friends rhats all they do is constantly argue like and take snipes at each other thats not us though we will call each other out on our shit so to speak. We appreciate the other for doing so if one of us has behaved unreasonably. He was actually up before me this morning and I'm currently drinking a coffee in bed with a dog ..
Again thanks for the time you took to read and reply x

Sounds like you handled it well . I’m going to pinch that suitcase bit off you 😉

Well done you for getting your life back on track! Sounds like your relationship is quite a stable one and he made a mistake, realised it and apologised, but I'd be hurt too if my oh said that to me. I hope you can find a way forward.

If you don't disturb him when you go to the loo
Then what's his issue?
Anyway glad it's sorted. You sound great. Well done in your recovery.

Glad you're feeling better.

I wouldn't want someone disrupting my precious sleep though TBH.

How rude of him.

I’m also an early riser, weekend and weekday. It’s supposed to be healthier to get up about the same time every day. As long as you’re quiet and considerate if he is still sleeping, I really can’t see the problem with that. Enjoy your beautiful revitalised home.

I have an internal body clock that gets me up too OP. It doesn’t matter if it’s the weekend, I wake around the same time every day. I don’t know why your DH was so rude when you didn’t actually ask him to get up! He could have stayed in bed! Perhaps it is the tramadol withdrawal! Either way at least he appologised.

If this is a one off comment I think you should let it go as he has apologised.

If he supported you through your years of depression, can you offer him the same now rather than laugh at him?

Sleep disturbance can have a huge affect on some people.

I think what he said was bad but I also think you don’t seem to take into account that he has a different sleeping pattern to you. Some people are early risers and some prefer to be night owls. There’s research around that shows that’s pretty normal. Why should one sleep pattern by the ‘norm’ and the other one that has to change to fit?

I could not live with someone who woke me up that early every morning and made noise in the house. Plus the added stress of being on those painkillers - I assume because he’s still in pain - and being treated like my rest pattern was insignificant at best.

“He was genuinely sorry for what he said, in 10 years we've had 2 big arguments i can think of, and we rarely bicker, we just gel so well, we are lucky some of our friends rhats all they do is constantly argue like and take snipes at each other thats not us though we will call each other out on our shit so to speak. We appreciate the other for doing so if one of us has behaved unreasonably. He was actually up before me this morning and I'm currently drinking a coffee in bed with a dog ..
Again thanks for the time you took to read and reply x“

I don’t get why you are ranting then? Sounds like he’s gone back to slotting in with your time scale for rising and has apologised so what more are you after?

Do you have to go back to bed for an hour after you've got up?

That's silly - I quite often get up at 5ish for a wee and then go back to bed. If she got up at 3, would she have to sleep on the sofa? If OP gets back into bed by jumping off the chest of drawers, I would concede the point though.

I would understand if OP had thrown the curtains open, gone down to make a coffee, putting the telly/radio on at full blast then go out into the garden to hold a barking contest with the dogs.

Although he shouldn't have been nasty to you, you don't sound considerate of his needs. You shouldn't be waking him up. You claim that he could go to bed earlier, but you could also go to bed later! It reads as if he needs to adjust for you, and you're not adjusting for him. You both have a biological clock and should go to bed when you want to and sleep till you're rested. You need to find a way where you don't wake him in the morning.

I don't think he's being a dick if he's withdrawing from very strong opiates and you have woken him up that early for no particular reason. I think that would make a lot of people feel quite grouchy. As long he's apologised for being grumpy, I think he sounds lovely.

Honestly both of you need to reflect on that level of escalation. Regardless of whether he started it.

Can't believe anyone's criticising you getting back in bed after getting up for a wee OP, do you all have bladders of steel that you never have to pee in the night/early morning? I'd be up at 3am some days if getting up to pee means you have to stay up!