I'm in therapy for anxiety. I have been suffering from it for as long as I can remember, but only recently I have decided to seek help.
In the last couple of years it has spiralled out of control. My therapist asked about my relationship with my parents. I have lots of issues with my mother, but always felt guilty about talking about them.
Since I can recall my mother has been hypercritical of me. Anything from my hair ("It's horrible, and thin, and it's your fault, you are ruinung it", as I went through a period of hair loss), the way I blink ("you are doing it on purpose to irritate me, you look retarded"), to literally everything else. I didn't have to talk, just exist for her to pick on me. I spent my teenage years crying every day (she would make me cry and then complain I was too sensitive and weak, "you will do nothing good in life"). I developed an eating disorder and my self esteem is non existent. My eating disorder was never treated as my mother doesn't believe in mental health issues, she thinks they are made up. I managed to get out of it myself. (She threatened to hit me and I was scared so I overcame it).
She was great to my sister. Never criticised, shielded by anyone even suggesting something...you get the picture. Growing up we became really distant and now barely communicate. My sister and she talk a lot behind my back, and sometimes I find out as my mother uses this as an excuse to come back and hurt me.
She can be insensitive, and thinks it's okay, because she's my mother, if she doesn't give me a dose of "healthy criticism" than who will?
Anyway, long story short, I feel drained, and I feel exhausted. I just need to vent and talk to people who are going through a similar situation.