When to call it a day...

[Mollymolloy]

I was with my exH for 20 years and have been divorced for 5 years. I have two teenage DC. My exH was abusive. Two years ago I met this guy. He is quite a bit older than me. We get on well enough but, I get the feeling that it isn’t going to go anywhere. He has been divorced for 15 years. He has had a lot of relationships but, never remarried or lived with anyone. He says all the right things... wanting to buy a house together etc etc but, it doesn’t ring true. We don’t really see each other much... only about 2 or 3 times a week. If he does come over for the weekend, he doesn’t always come over on Fridays as he goes out with his mates. If he does stay, he goes home first thing Saturday morning. He might come back later in the day. He will then stay Saturday night and disappear Sunday morning. It feels as if he can only tolerate
me in small doses. Saying that, he introduces me to all his friends and family as his girlfriend. I get the impression that he just wants a token girlfriend.

His best friend’s wife advised me to take each day as it comes and not to read too much into things..

I would like to have a serious relationship at some stage. Perhaps, it is time to knock this one on the head?

I'm 51 and I've just ended a 2 year relationship because of this exact thing.

He wouldn't commit to anything, I always felt second best, he would only see me at weekends. Everything including sex was on his terms, if I didn't toe the line he'd ignore me.

It's only been a week and I'm remembering all the things he's done to me so I don't wobble and contact him.

I think you know the answer but you need to find the courage to do something about it. I know it's difficult as he probably has some redeeming features, but is that enough. It wasn't for me!

Hope you can make the right decision for yourself 😊

After two years of him making it crystal clear that he's not interested in a real, committed relationship, I should hope you would be putting an end to this nonsense. Believe his actions, not his words. I would be taking his best friends wife advise to heart. This man is a future faker.

So basically he comes over for sex a couple of nights a week? Otherwise he has better things to do.

Come on now.

Do yourself a favour, dump him.

Do you actually like him as a person? Does he make you laugh and feel happy and cared for? Can you rely on him?

Or are you so desperate to be in a relationship that you put up with ‘We get on well enough’.

I’d end it and raise the bar a bit. You should feel adored, not tolerated.

You know what you need to do xx

Seems like he visits you to sleep with you but doesn't put in the effort to build a proper relationship with you. I would call it a day.

Thank you for the post Dumped. It has certainly clarified things. I do hope that you find happiness. It sounds like you did the right thing.

He is good company and we play a lot of sport together. However, it is on his terms. None of my friends like him either.. bit of a red flag!!