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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He tried to kill the cat

45 replies

PaperDreamsHoney · 27/07/2020 22:33

I feel sick typing this. My marriage has been miserable for years and I've been starting to make plans to leave, but today I discovered something.

Whilst looking for something on husband's bookshelves I found a letter he wrote (but presumably never sent) to our minister. In it he admitted that years ago he tried to strangle one of our cats to death after she soiled the carpet. The cat was elderly and sick, and he wrote that he was in a rage and tried to kill her because it would make his life easier.

Now I know why that cat was always afraid of him. We have 2 young children and while I don't believe he'd hurt them, I never thought him capable of cruelty to an animal either. I had been planning for leaving in about a year to give me time to get some money together, but part of me wants to tell him to get the fuck out now. I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

GilbertMarkham · 28/07/2020 09:19

That's pretty psychopathic on my book.

TirisfalPumpkin · 28/07/2020 09:41

Yep, that tells you all you need to know about his character. Normal people, however angry they get, wouldn't even think about doing that to a small and vulnerable animal.

Please take a copy as evidence, and make sure that you, children and any other animals are safe. That may mean gtfo now, as difficult as it may be in the short term.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 28/07/2020 09:48

If he were my DP, he'd be strongly advised not to eat anything I cooked for him if he tried to kill my cat, who barfs on the carpet with a tedious regularity (fortunately, he wouldn't - his own two cats are demi-gods to him).

Such a man might well lose it with you or your DCs in a similar way. If he puts it about that you left him over a cat, the answer is that the cat was the rehearsal and you aren't sticking about for the full performance.

Good luck.

MactheRover · 28/07/2020 10:09

What a horrible man. Leave, but be sneaky and punish him at every opportunity. No sex, horrible food, sugar in the petrol tank. One day, when you are free, tell everyone. Fucking scum to hurt an old cat.

growinggreyer · 28/07/2020 10:30

Don't do any of these silly revenge ideas. When you leave you want to keep things on an emotional even keel. Keep making your plans to separate safely. I would take a copy of the letter and then put it back where it was so that he doesn't know that you have seen it.

LexMitior · 28/07/2020 10:56

Get out.

It takes a huge amount to kill an animal. It used to be used as a test years ago for psychopathy, instructing a man to kill a cat. They found very few men would even try, even if told to. They did not attempt to do it. It was not in them to simply kill the animal.

Your husband would fail this test and then some.

Kelcat9494 · 28/07/2020 10:59

Honestly I admire your restraint, if I found out my husband did that to my cat, I'd have done the same to him. Sick SOB.

Please get help and leave; he's disgusting.

Littlemeadow123 · 28/07/2020 11:21

Leave as quickly as you can. Anyone who does that to an animal is both extremely sadistic and extremely cowardly.

Bunnymumy · 28/07/2020 11:35

Tried to 'strangle' ffs! I mean that's not even 'lashed out at it'. The level of rage of trying to strangle a living creature....shudder.

Do you think he may actually have wanted you to find this letter? As an intimidation tactic. Maybe he knows you are thinking of leaving.

Get gone asap.

Delbelleber · 28/07/2020 12:10

Nasty bastard. So sorry to hear about your cat.

backseatcookers · 28/07/2020 12:26

@growinggreyer

Just echoing this - it would be foolish and dangerous to try and enact silly revenge stunts on a dangerous person. The aim should be to get out safely, not create more drama that could end up with him seeking revenge on you too x

HappyHammy · 28/07/2020 12:41

Has he said it was the sin in him that made him want to kill the poor cat. That is worrying. He sounds unstable and I would leave asap.

FlamingoAndJohn · 28/07/2020 12:46

I agree no silly revenge stuff.

What stands out to me from this is that you are both a member of a religion that you want out of. Is he stopping you or is it the lack of support network?

TheShepherdsCrown · 28/07/2020 13:57

@MitziK

Copy it. Many, many times.

And use one of them for the police, one for the council to apply for emergency housing (near your family, preferably), and one for the courts.

You need to get out now.

Do this please OP. Make plans to get yourself, the children and the pets to a safe place. That sort of violence is unacceptable and if he can do that to a vulnerable, elderly cat who has annoyed him then he could snap and do it to his children or his wife. These links might be useful, the last one is based in the Southwest but there should be regional help in your area

Domestic Abuse & Pets - More to Dogs Trust www.moretodogstrust.org.uk/volunteer/domestic-abuse-pets

What about pets? - Refuge Charity - Domestic Violence Help
www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/what-about-pets/

Helping people and animals escape domestic violence and abuse…
refuge4pets.org.uk/
Hope you get the help and support you need.

giletrouge · 28/07/2020 16:02

This is a truly horrible and shocking thing to find out about someone you've been living with OP. One of the reasons I stopped seeing my family of origin was the fact that my oldest sister was quite happy to drown her cat's kittens instead of getting the poor creature spayed. This was fifty years ago and I was a vulnerable young person, if I knew anyone was doing it now I'd report them like a shot. This level of cruelty is not something you want to be living with. And the religion, frankly, tends to exacerbate it, because religious people tend to think they should be better, so they actually suppress and hide nasty urges instead of getting help or dealing with feelings they have out in the open IYSWIM. The sin is anger, and it's not a 'sin' it's an impulse that needs to be tamed and put into perspective which cannot be done if the person is so ashamed of it that they can't even talk about it, which is what the whole religious thing seems to bring about. So your impulse to get shot of the religion is a sound one, too, IMHO.

Mittens030869 · 28/07/2020 16:42

Leave as quickly as you can. Anyone who does that to an animal is both extremely sadistic and extremely cowardly.

^This in spades. You need to get away from this man, he's horrible.

Him being religious is irrelevant. My F was a devout Christian, but he sexually abused my DSis and me when we were growing up.

Original poster

PaperDreamsHoney · 28/07/2020 20:52

Thank you everyone. I've taken some steps.

OP posts:

Lochie662 · 28/07/2020 21:33

@PaperDreamsHoney

Thank you everyone. I've taken some steps.

I'm so happy to hear that , you deserve better than this . You really, really do.

GoldFluff · 29/07/2020 19:48

Your poor cat. I'd never be able to forgive him. To think your poor cat had to live her final days in a house with a man who tried to kill her and she was scared of him. What an awful man. Unforgivable.

TirisfalPumpkin · 30/07/2020 08:30

Glad to hear, OP. Your safety is the most important thing.

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