Husband belittling our kids or AIBU?

[Glittergirl80]

I posted the other day about being unhappy in my marriage, one of the factors being the way he is with our sons. Tonight we were looking at fotos from a recent fotoshoot for the first time and on 3 separate occasions DH said things like "don't need to see these ones they're rubbish" with my son who was sitting there in the foto or "ewww don't know so much about that child" etc and I said stop being horrible and my son said l don't like u saying things like that and DH said oh for god's sake its funny!! He'll walk passed me and say things like look at the size of it (meaning my bum) then say he's only joking why can noone in this house take a joke. Am l being over sensitive or am l right in saying he's an arse??

He's an arse.

He sounds awful, sorry you're dealing with that. I would be making plans to leave

Can he take it if you make similar derogatory comments about him?
I doubt it.
A joke isn't funny if no one else is laughing.

Not acceptable and YANBU. He needs to stop being an arse or risk permanently damaging his sons and their relationship with him. Not sure what you can do about it as I assume you’ve mentioned it and he’s decided it’s absolutely fine and just “banter” (which is pathetic).

It's 'bantz', which is an awful stupid-person way of saying 'i want to be rude about you and then pretend it's a joke so you can't get upset with me'.

Does he have any insecurities? You could try making a joke about whatever it is, and see how much he laughs.

I think give him a taste if his own medicine and see how he likes it. Bet he’d be super sensitive if the other way round. Hes sounds very mean to do that to you and your DCs.

"It's 'bantz', which is an awful stupid-person way of saying 'i want to be rude about you and then pretend it's a joke so you can't get upset with me'."

This. It's not about not having a sense of humour. It's about rightfully objecting to him making mean, belittling remarks. It's only fun if everyone's having fun - it's only funny if everyone's laughing. Otherwise, it's just rudeness and bullying.

Your husband is a revolting bully.

He’s a bully but too cowardly to admit what he’s actually doing.
Tell him you won’t tolerate him being rude to you or the kids so he had better bloody pack it in. It’s really important he stops this because it will destroy the kids confidence.

I'd tell him straight that you can't stand it and if he doesn't stop you want to separate. I'd also tell him his dc will hate him when they are adults if he continues.

He's a bully.

Yuck! He sounds horrible. Bet he wouldn’t like it if you made similar “jokes” about his appearance. I think you’re right to be reconsidering the relationship.
Sorry OP

I think he sounds like a bully, and it's pathetic that he tries to cover up nasty comments with " can't you take a joke".

I don't know what you should do, but zero tolerance with saying this sort of comment to your son is the only decent way to go. These are the sorts of comments that kids remember. I am annoyed for him.

The problem isn't his taste in jokes it's the fact that you and your son have explicitly told him you don't like it, and he is literally saying that only his opinion counts and how you feel about it is not relevant.
Ask him if he cares about how you feel and how much his feelings matter relative to the rest of the family.
Based on how explicitly he is prepared to say it depends whether you can convince him to change it, although it doesn't sound like a simple matter

Oh yes and good point you have to specifically be on your son's side is this and call out all the comments for your son's benefit, otherwise he will see you as complicit.

Tell him there is a big arse in your household and it isn't yours.

You know the worst kind of bully?

The adult kind that bullies kids.

I bet he walks around the house all puffy chested feeling like the big man but doesn't speak that way to men bigger than him.

I would have full body ick at such an insufferable cunt.

He's bordering on being abusive... did he have any plus points at all?

He absolutely is an arse. Men like this can never 'take a joke' when it's them on the receiving end. Tell him he's got a tiny cock and when he gets snotty say 'sorry I thought you liked making personal jokes but that clearly doesn't apply when it's about you'. But I can imagine the shit you would get if you did because NICE PEOPLE DON'T SAY HORRIBLE THINGS AND PRETEND THEY ARE JOKES! Sorry for shouting but that is precisely what pricks like your not so 'D' H deserve.

He's vile. And sounds like a thicko too

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