Met a new guy and just ended it, about a month in but quite fast-paced.
Looking back and seeing more and more reasons why I did, but trying to figure out if I was too hasty...
He maintained from the beginning he wanted something serious but brought up his ex a lot (who left him and now they don't talk). At first I didnt mind but, when I asked randomly if he missed her, he would say things like "I miss the life we had built together/our plans for the future" and then when we were in his bedroom, he would comment on how cute it was that their dog used to climb on the bed and sit in the middle when they first got him. Said dog still lives with him and this was the first time I went round his house and stayed over, I didn't say anything but it didn't make me feel special. I felt like she was a ghost and always there, and that I was always being directly compared to her subconsciously.
He would tell me lots about his life and his goals, ambitions etc. but when I asked occasionally for advice about mine (we are in same high pressure indsutry, he is a lot more senior), he would respond in an off-hand manner or make it into a joke. E.g. I told him about a new project I was really excited to be working on and his response was "sounds cool" rather than developing the conversation. I also asked him for some career advice a few dates in and at first he responded with quite a standard, dull answer ("stay at your company and work up") then when pressed, said "marry someone rich, divorce them, marry another richer guy, divorce him, then go for someone even older and richer while you have your looks and divorce him" - wtf. I laughed it off but just felt like he wouldn't invest in my life emotionally.
When we went on dates, he'd choose a place we'd discussed and that he really liked and ask if I wanted to come along as he really wanted to escape our city for the day. It was good fun but just felt so casual and all about him/what he wanted, rather than making the other person feel special at all. I felt like I was very much coming along for the ride.
On our dates he would go into long monologues about things and I would respond/give conversational cues, we would chat, but as soon as I said something it would become clear he wasn't actively listening. E.g. I would say a few details about my family background after he asked e.g. my dad used to work in an office, his direct response would then be "ah ok so your dad must work in the oil industry then right?" He would correct himself after but I just felt quite superfluous to him and quite replaceable.
There are more red flags but wanted to see if these made sense to others? I know it was early days but he was really pursuing and I kind of feel that that is when people are putting their best foot forward. A month in is when you should be making someone feel special, listening to them, engaging with them... Or am I asking too much?