My husband and me met at our workplace many years back. We were not really good friends cause he was definitely not my type; but later when he seemed to be getting more involved with me cause he liked me and was always talking, was very consoling and helpful - especially during a bad phase of life. I had a major break up with my ex and most people at work knew about it - cause we were even planning on getting married few years down. But my ex wanted me to give him money, and after marriage he wanted me to quit my job and be at home everyday. I loved him to the core but it was just not working out. And my husband (then my friend) always helped me sort of issues and was around me. After a year from the breakup, my friend (husband) wanted to marry me , but I was not sure. But gave in to it cause my ex kept calling me and threatening me to get back to him.
Me and my husband had a first few years of decent marriage life with the usual ups and downs. Then 6 years later I was pregnant and was super happy! I was worried about complications and needed help from my mom but his parents wanted to come over and stay with us cause my parents were not able to make it. That period was a massive turnover for me when I realized that he just loved me enough till I had a child.
He and his parents literally isolated me after child birth by treating me almost like “we only need you to feed the baby and wake up at night to handle the cries” and they kept judging everything I did, anything I cooked, anything I said. They didn’t want me participate in house buying discussions, they didn’t want me to drive how I wanted to handle my child’s upbringing. To make it worse my mom in law brainwashed him saying he shouldn’t take any responsibility of the child during the night feeding or night crying activities and it’s solely mom who should do that. My husband obeyed and slept through the night. Once when I woke him up when my son was crying cause I had pain in my post pregnancy stitches he literally was irritated saying “ I don’t think you’re the only one going through this pain really, just saying” and he was bugged that I asked him for help at 2am in the night.
I stopped waking him up and did all that myself cause of the emotional exhaustion and hearing what he said last . I lost sleep, was exhausted, started going back to work after a month (worked from home initially so it was even worse being around his family and him), but he wouldn’t be there to help me or support me cause he wanted to show support to his parents complains and thoughts and they were virtually isolating me. The first year after my son was born was the worst experience of my life. I couldn’t get husband wake up from his afternoon sleep even during weekends to help me cause his mom would say “don’t wake him up now, it’s your job to carry the child and put him to sleep not his. Let him rest. All moms keep up at night and do work in the day. Didn’t your mom teach you that?”
“Also he shouldn’t have been in the hospital seeing you go into labor cause men can’t handle that. Your mom should have come here for that, not poor him”
I am too soft spoken to answer back to these, cause I never thought/was shocked that someone or people could be so mean in such a vulnerable brand new phase that I was going through.
After this episode in my house with them I cried for days in privacy and was tired of being treated like some outsider who is just meant to nurse the baby and that’s it, and keeps getting judged by everything I did or said. I finally fought back with my in laws and told my husband straight that what he did is not right. Now it’s 4 years down and it’s only been me and husband post that 1 year.
My son loves us. I don’t love my husband one bit post that incident. I have become cold and stronger after that 1 year . I’ve told him multiple times that what he did was really wrong and we have had fights. I don’t talk to his parents cause they are sick people to have even told me those things.
My husband tries to act like he’s sorry sometimes when I fight but also know that he’s barely even bothered cause it’s been 4 years that I have even touched him. I know what he is going through “now she won’t leave me cause we have a kid together”
I’ll be honest, I’m a decent looking person but my husband is someone who doesn’t look good a bit. I loved him purely cause of an emotional connection with him and his support during my bad phase and he was clinging on to me always, never judged him by his looks. I feel in hindsight he did all that to probably win me over.
I can’t stand him touch me or hug me, forget intercourse. I can’t forgive him cause what he did was very very wrong.