I will try to keep this as brief as possible.
I am in my 30s, have a DS10 and have been with DP for nearly five years, lived together for three years then lived apart for several months until he came to stay during lockdown and hasn't yet left.
DP is a functioning alcoholic. He drinks at least three or four cans of lager every night and more when he isn't working the next day. He doesn't drive and is able to get up and feel fine the next day. He isn't always obviously drunk, but I can tell my the way he speaks, heavy eyes etc. when he has had more than usual.
He makes a tit of himself when he is drunk; talks a load of shite, slurs horribly and swears excessively to the point its embarrassing. In the past he has been vulgar and insulted me in front of his friends and I can see that they are embarrassed by him too.
Since lockdown began, both of us have had a difficult time. Family bereavement (him), work stress (me), problems with the landlord and lots of other complicated issues - mostly following on from the bereavement.
He is supposed to have moved back to his family home last week and hasn't done anything about it. I have asked him to leave tomorrow but I expect I will need to nag him and physically remove his belongings from my house to get him to actually do so.
I don't want to be in a relationship with him any more. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have had to take time off work to cope with everything else that is happening. Throughout his family member's illness and the complications of them shielding I have been there for him and his family, practically and emotionally. I adore his family and I wouldn't have had it any other way but now that I need his support it's nowhere to be seen.
I am mentally and physically exhausted and he offers no help around my house, he makes no effort with my son or the rest of my family, I can't talk to him because he is either drunk or too wrapped up in his own interests to bother with me. We spend every day together but I just feel totally alone. I cook, clean, shop and do everything for all of us as well as working longer hours than him.
I realise I have slaughtered him in the above, but I need to let it out somewhere so I can stop convincing myself that the good outweighs the bad, because it doesn't any more. He can be affectionate, loving, funny and generous but for the most part he is selfish and unkind.
I'm sad that it's come to this but it needs to happen. I've never broken up with anyone before and I keep putting it off because every time I think about it I feel awful for hurting him - eapecially when he is still grieving.
I have given him so many opportunities to deal with his mental health and his drinking and he hasnt taken them. Writing this I know its not my fault, but tomorrow I will struggle to go through with it.
Sorry, that was long. I needed to let it out.