Totally confused and feel sick and worried

[Owlgirl1987]

I am so confused and don't know what to do. Me and husband have been together for 14 years and married for nearly 9. We have had our problems in the past regarding my confidence etc. Last year I found some messages and rude pictures on his phone from a girl at work he apologised and said nothing had happened. We've had issues during lockdown with him saying I am suffocating him and a while back used to ask who he was messaging etc and he said he hated it as it seemed like I was checking up on him.. I am trying my best to loose some weight and look good for him. He means the world to me and our son. I have a feeling that he has been messaging his best friends girlfriend, this seem really perculiar they always seem to be online on watsapp at the same time, we went to theirs last weekend and he seems to look at her in a loving way. We went out for a meal on Friday as I am trying to make things good and do different things together and I bought a new. Dress etc, he told me I looked nice but in the next breath he's telling me I don't have to wear make up. He never tells me how he feels, we hardly ever have sex, he has rejected me so many times telling me he doesn't feel up to it or his too stressed from work. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do.

It doesn't sound great. He's cheated on you with this work girl and he doesn't seem to have much of a sex drive or desire for you. What's keeping you in this relationship?

He said nothing happened with the girl from work, it was just flirting, thinking about it there wouldn't have been a time where he could have done anything sexual with the girl from work. He does get stressed alot. I'm getting mixed messages from him all the time. I'm with him because I love him and he means the world to me.

You may need to appreciate there is something wrong if he feels you are suffocating him. Also, if he loved you in the same way you love him, there would be no need to lose weight for him. Lose weight for yourself (or not), not a man. If you’re comfortable with your body, don’t change it for him!
I think it’s hard for women to accept relationships change with time, whereas men often seem to plan ahead for this eventuality and seek attention in some form elsewhere -hence the smutty exchanges you found on his phone.

It sounds like he’s checked out of the relationship and is casting his net.
What can you do? Tell him to shape up or ship out but instead, you are going to humiliate yourself by trying to grab the attention of somebody whose already recast your role as housemate.