Feeling lost and stuck

[Bluepanda86]

Hello everyone,

I've never written a post on here so here goes...

Long story short - me and my hubby have been together nearly 7 years and married for just over 2 years with a 3 year old little lady. We have been through some tough times individually and as a couple.

Lockdown has made my anxiety levels worse as I have been classified in the shielding category due to an underlying health condition. I wasn't 100% sure at the start of Lockdown if i would need to shield but when the letter came in the post, I instantly felt like I was a burden on my hubby. As things have eased with lockdown and the guidelines for shielding have changed I have really struggled at times to be out and about. I don't always feel comfortable and don't leave the house for days or if i do decide to go out for a walk I want to be close to home. My hubby hasn't always been supportive and sensitive about this and we have had arguments.

At the end of May we started to potty training our daughter which I have found tiring and at times stressful. It was his decision to push ahead with it without looking at the "signs" and I've tried my hardest to keep it up. She also encountered a growth spurt which meant v.early wake up calls. I was exhausted. Also in the mix - I've had to go to hospital (long story) on a few occasions and have felt my hubby was insensitive and unsupportive at times. I now need an operation and one of his comments relating to our "love life" was really hurtful. I am currently on medication which makes me have menopausal symptoms which doesn't help at times as I feel a whole mix of emotions. I can be happy one minute then the next a sensitive snappy and emotional madam!!
I don't want us to end despite the arguing. I know he tries his hardest to look after me and reassure me but i think at times we are too stubborn and get worked up about things. I miss the times when I wasn't such a worrier. I worry about things now which I never used to before. I also miss the times I could confide in my hubby about anything and everything without feeling oversensitive and overwhelmed.
I don't know what else to do. We seem to go round in circles at times. I don't want to keep feeling anxious and for my daughter to see me like this.

TIA

Sorry you’re feeling like this. Can you get some quiet time one evening (i know its hard with a little one) and calmly tell him how you feel? The last few months have been extraordinarily challenging let alone when you have anxiety and are shielding.

Why cant he take turns getting up with your daughter so you can rest?

Re the potty training I found it the most stressful part of parenting. I remember starting with my son before he was ready, because it was summer and i thought easier- it didnt work. I stopped and waited until he i knew he had “control” and restarted and it was easy. Stop the potty training and wait til you feel she is really ready.

Try and get out for walks as much as you can and build up slowly. I think its normal at the moment to feel anxious about going out.

Thank you for your reply .

Things do seem much better since both calming down and having a chat yesterday whilst our daughter was at nursery for the day.

I made the suggestion we look to make some goals in the short term to help us adapt and to redevelop confidence and support in the marriage. He was up for the idea.

We have had previous discussions and he had admit he was "a little harsh" in how he was towards me when potty training was started and other things happening at the time. I was close to giving up in the first week but after some attempts to make it more appealing and fun has helped. I do ask for help where possible though it does feel like a challenge at times he will help.

I try to get out for a walk even if it's for 15/ 20 mins every few days and have walked occasionally further to boost self esteem. I have started to read a little book i was bought a couple of years with confidence quotes and trying to use headspace more frequently which is also helping.

These are truely such tough and strange times for everyone x