I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years. We’ve been living together for a long while, between 2 houses and have been living together in my house for the past 5 months.
She has 2 teenage children from a previous long term relationship that ended 3 years ago.
When we were first together she still lived with her ex. It was a frustrating set up for all 3 of us. And at times felt like I was having an affair. His work schedule dictated when she could
Come round or be available because of child care. Perfectly understandable and at first I was accepting of the living arrangements. I had hoped when she got with me
That her ex would then say we need to sort this out and move on but he didn’t. Eventually He became as frustrated as we were with the situation so He then quite happily moved out short term with a view to a separation agreement being drawn up and whilst he decided what he wanted to do with his house. She stayed in the house whilst this was being discussed
and we spent a year living between both houses which was tiring and costly and unhealthy for us all. Since lockdown she’s been living at my house permanently as the chosen house that we both and the children preferred to be in.
The Children are well adjusted to the situation and are happy and settled. They spend weekends with their Father and go and come back happy with no concerns.
After months of failed conversations between them both regarding separating that were met by endless excuses from her ex that he was too busy to talk about it, too tired, etc it soon became obvious he was swerving the issue so we sought advice from a good family law solicitor.
She told him she would do that if they couldn’t reach an agreement but said she’d rather not have to resort to that to avoid costs for them both. But not happened and nothing changed.
Solicitor told us what we kind of already knew- the situation was very clear cut and very quick and simple to resolve.
On receipt of a letter regarding the separation, her ex was fuming, which annoyed us as we’d given him so long to talk, he did instruct his own solicitor to respond. Progress at last! Or so we thought and here we are 8 months later with everything still pending. The only change is both parties now have solicitors fees to pay.
My girlfriend is not asking for a huge payout or expecting one. Her ex is financially sound, earns a high salary and has a lot of money and openly admits he doesn’t Need the money he has got and doesn’t care if the house stays empty he’s in no rush to sell. She doesn’t care if he sells it or not.
It’s his house she doesn’t want any of it. She just wants to be free of him and able to move on with me and enjoy a healthy relationship with me. He’s offered her a small payout which she has accepted and we are still no further forward.
We’ve reached the point where solicitors have stopped chasing either party and have stepped back awaiting for one of them to move it forward.
We talk to him weekly and all he says is that if your solicitor sends my solicitor confirmation you’re accepting my offer then my solicitor will draw it all up for signing.
My girlfriends solicitor has now sent this 3 times. Which is annoying as every letter has a cost!
He pays child maintenance but doesn’t pay the full amount. Understandably so When she was in the house he paid her a reduced amount to offset against her living there and the bills etc.
He said when she left he would then pay the full amount. He hasn’t.
She’s spoken to him about it and he’s said when the separation is finalised and signed he will pay the full amount. But we can’t get to that point so for the past 5 months she’s just been given the reduced amount.
I’m very fair, reasonable and non confrontational but out of frustration I have spoken to him many times asking for a direct reply. I’ve even levelled with him and asked if all the stalling and swerving is because he wants her back. He either ignores me and stares at his feet or he giggles and doesn’t say anything.
This situation has affected me financially and emotionally and I’ve tried to chat to him in the hopes of getting some progress. He says very little. I can’t even get a conversation flowing let alone any progress!
At the beginning of lockdown I went and spoke to him but the chat was all one sided. I was calm, fair, reasonable and understanding but didn’t get much back in return.
I told him that I thought this was the most weirdest and longest break up I’d ever known a
Couple to have but he just giggled and shrugged his shoulders.
Because of the length of time this has taken to “sort” My head is full of doubt now.
My girlfriend and I are starting to row about it.
A friend of mine went through a very messy and costly separation a few years back and he is dumbfounded at this situation. He said my
Girlfriends ex has got it made with the low payout
That’s been suggested and the zero terms.
I’d appreciate so much opinions and views to help declutter my head. I’ve
Never known a situation like this with anybody. Is it normal?
Regardless of people’s views and opinions it’s been a big help just typing this out and releasing it.