Is this the reality of modern dating?!

[Louise000000]

This is tiring, new to dating as split from husband last year.
Texting a few guys, all I've known so none online. First guy seems very keen and wants to meet up, I've asked him if he wants to go out on tues and he's been onto WhatsApp but he's not opened my text..... Second guy we were texting a bit week before last, I thought we were getting on now its radio silence!
Is this the reality of dating nowadays? God its tiring! 😂

Sadly yes this has been my experience too! Lots of flakey men, all saying they want a relationship and then changing their minds. Ghosting seems to be almost expected, honestly I've come off the dating apps for a bit as I've become really disheartened.

This wasn't even dating apps. The first guy has met me before and he asked our mutual friend if he could get my number
The other one is someone ive met before too and he did seem keen!

OK so one guy got back in touch saying his dad had a stroke! Feel bad now

Eek terrible about the stroke.

As for your question, yup that was my experience too. One guy told me he wanted to initiate all contact. zzz Tiring is right.

My advice to you would be, ill parents notwithstanding, just take no crap! A close male friend of mine said that if a guy is lazy in the beginning, he's only going to get worse. Why put up with that crap(I did in the past but shan't ever ever EVER again )

Afraid so, in their heads lots of men want relationships, but not it seems in reality.
I am on old and it is so tiresome especially the length of time I have been on it. The quality of men is dire in my age group, they really seem to take a dive once they hit 50. They all ask the same questions....how long have you been on this site...how you finding it. That is if they can put more than 2 words together apart from...babe, sexy.
Some want your number straight away without having had the slightest conversation. Others disappear or take more than a day to reply.
I am seriously thinking of coming off it.

Yeah all that disappearing and taking a day to reply is utter nonsense. I was seeing a guy I met online and he'd take a few days to reply every time -- such nonsense in this modern age when a person's phone is an extension of their arms and in the early stages, it's about making the effort. I won't be making excuses for piss-poor behaviour again. I cringe at what I put up with in the past. I'd love to start a movement so that all that shitty behaviour would stop because no-one was willing to put up with and make up lame-ass excuses for it.

@crimsonlake

I'd say stay on OLD but just don't put up with shite! If someone takes forever to reply, just ditch them and move on -- I know some people will say it's harsh but I've had friends text in front of me, run to the loo to text, text while driving and even while cycling when they really wanted to contact someone they fancied. You're either in or out and if someone's being a flake and expecting you to bend to their desires, they're just going to be tiresome. Life's too short.

I'm actually looking forward to dating again because it's going to be so different to the last time. This time no guy gets a look in unless he treats me with the same level of courtesy and respect I treat him -- nothing more, nothing less, not looking for the sun, the moon and stars here but honestly some guys think we should be honoured to wait a day for 'yeah cool!'

You should read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You.' I found it interesting because the main point of the whole book is that men who are interested make an effort, men who aren't don't. Yes there will be exceptions blah blah but surely our dignity is more important than making up excuses for shitty behaviour.

I'm married met DH on tinder it appears looking at DD(18) experience that texting is killing potential. It seems fucking nuts to me that you'd text text text every day a complete or even virtual stranger and get uppity if they don't reply but that's seems to be it now. Why not just arrange a date , go on the date and see what happens or is that too simplistic? Refuse to engage with the texting bullshit. It will be better all round!

I agree @Onemansoapopera but I think it's very important to text for a while first to make sure the person is not a nutjob or a dangerous character -- plenty of stories in the news of people getting attacked/assaulted by people they met on dating sites. I know they still could be after texting but for example, I texted one guy for a while, got a bad vibe, googled him, found out he had been arrested for assault, so didn't meet him. He had been keen to meet immediately and boy am I glad I didn't.

Due diligence is fine...texting strangers daily and it being a bone of contention for whatever reason . Nutty waste of time and psychologically you'll add it to your number of "none starters" and become more and more disillusioned it's self sabotaging most of the time. Thats my observations of DD and other friends. DH and I did text a lot before meeting but if a day went past without it, there was no panic or ill feeling it was just two adults having lives that didn't revolve around a potential date who you might not like anyway 🤷 nobody should be putting too much effort into courting by text someone you may zero chemistry with in the flesh.

And don't get me started on good night and good morning texts!!!! 😆

It's a bloody minefield!

Cattywampuswastaken thank you for the advice :) but I am an old hand at this. And yes if someone takes more than a day they are binned, if they pop up a few days later binned again.
I usually stick with it, but the quality of men is as I said so dire, I am talking several years here, that is how choosy I am.
Before any one mentions men are incapable of taking good pictures, beer bellies, tattoos, bare chested, pictures of children, pets, cars, fish really do not cut it.
Possibly sometimes you have to know when you are beat :)

I'm a man, mid forties, and getting a bit frantic about starting a family. I'm O.L.D. and the following is a copy 'n paste of a recent convo...

Her: :)

Me: ¡¿ǝʞoɹq pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɹnoʎ sI

Her: Nope...

Me: Glad to hear it! I was a bit worried there for a second! How's everything in your world?

She engaged with me with just a smiley and then flaked at a mere hint of a conversation. Jaysus! I think I'll become a monk...

I cant be bothered with all this texting either. I want to secure a date and actually meet the person!!

She engaged with me with just a smiley and then flaked at a mere hint of a conversation.

Yes... alas, flakeyness appears to be a general human being thing as opposed to a particularly male thing. But as @Cattywampuswastaken said, I think its just a sign of He/She's Just Not Into You. Many people on OLD are just bored and/or looking for a pick-me-up after a break-up. They'll fish but if something bites they'll get cold feet.

Since we're venting, a couple of my pet peeves:

1. Lack of reciprocity - I'm more than willing to put effort into my profile, ask you about things you put in yours and attempt sparkling conversation but, you now, kind of expect the same in return?

1. Pickiness over the things which, surely, don't matter that much? I mean, I get we all have preferences. But even so, rejecting anyone who doesn't have a shaved head (real-life example)? I suppose, each to their own. I just can't fathom how something so inconsequential could be of such fundamental importance that you'd reject a whole swathe of men you might possibly have fantastic chemistry with over the fact they don't want to look like Ross Kemp...

I hate modern dating. Everyone is so bloody lazy! And seem to want everything to happen instantly at lightning speed (like texting constantly, wanting dibs on your weekends, wanting exclusivity) but simultaneously not want to commit or define the relationship. I dated a guy for 4 months who was talking about looking for work and moving to the area I lived in yet almost shit a brick when I referred to myself as his girlfriend. I hate texting. Not just for dating- but for everyone. I’m much more me IRL- face to face. Id far rather just forget all the messaging and just go out on a date and find out about you that way. But that’s not the way it works anymore and if you suggest it people think you’re a weirdo and stop talking to you.

Yep, the weeks of texting is how jerks set women up.

Text a few times. Facetime a few times and then meet in a very public place. Don't tell them where you live, don't let them pick you up, go to their place.

Set a time limit for the date. None of these all day things. 1 hour tops.

None of this go to their place or your place by the 3rd date. You'll just end up a convenient shag for someone too lazy or cheap to go out.

Assume everything they say is a lie until they prove otherwise.
They know how to tell you what you want to hear.
Don't believe dumb stories about separated but still living together.

Long silence followed by a sad tale of a close family member's illness is par for the course. I never believe a word of it.