Focussing on me following separation

[TheyCalledherPatience]

Hi. It is more than a 2 years since I first suspected my husband was having an affair, a year and a half since it was confirmed and 6 months since I finally decided to end my marriage. My husband is finally moving out this month.

It's been a long time of trying to fix the unfixable, make the most of things for my young children, get though covid in an increasingly toxic home environment but finally there is an end to this.

In that time I feel like I've really lost sight of who I am. I have put on weight, reached for the wine too often and stopped doing many of the things that I enjoy. I'm looking for some motivation to get healthier, happier and to regain some confidence in myself, rather than continue down this path once he's gone. I would love to hear about positive post separation experience from others to help me stay on the right track!
Thanks for reading.

Hi my exh had an affair too and ended our marriage. We didnt have DCs (part of the problem) and we had met quite young so I’d never been on my own. I think exercise saved me I went to gym and got fit, so good for physical and mental health. I saw friends, took up hobbies and went on a solo holiday. I did as I pleased which was really liberating! I had pink towels in the bathroom!

I think just exercise is the key to restore confidence as well as fitness. Online classes at the moment perhaps?

Just take each day as it comes to help you adapt to your new routine. Hopefully ex will have kids so you have a bit of time to yourself.

Me too. I also had a lengthy period of kind of knowing before it all came out. It takes its toll.

Exercise, eat well, spend time and money on yourself and make sure he has the kids a fair proportion of the time. You need to rebuild your life as a person as well as rebuilding family life. Oh and although its tempting to drink too much wine, remember alcohol is a depressant. It won't make you feel better in the long run. I do yoga for half a hour before bed most nights, lights off with a fancy scented candle, and knowing I've got that to do keeps me off the vino.

I found once he was gone, after an initial awful time where I hit rock bottom, I started to feel more me. I felt like the person i was before we started having problems. I started buying fresh flowers every week (only the cheapest bunch in the shop!) and got a wax melt burner thing and painted my bedroom the colour I wanted (so not expensive things, but they made a big difference)
The children noticed I was happier, so they in turn were happier too. Yes, sometimes it still sucks big time, but for the majority of the time, I'm really really happy just being me again x

These are great ideas and very motivating, thank you for sharing. I agree that exercise will be a good way to both keep healthy and keep busy. Having more time to myself will help (we are going 50/50 with the kids). I also like the idea of buying myself flowers and doing small things to make the house more my own. I love to paint so will maybe get back into that and plan some paintings to have on the walls. I think alcohol has the potential to be my downfall so need to be careful there.