He doesn't want me to go out

[anna189]

Hi everyone , I hope you're all doing well
I'm new to this just wanted some advice.

I have 2 children with my partner, I look after them all the time. My partner works short hours and when he comes home he just relaxes doesn't help with anything else at all. Sometimes he will do the dishes or hoover but this rarely happens

When I go out with friends he starts an argument all the time , to why I go out and tells me that I already went out during the week once so once should be enough . This isn't about going out to bars or clubbing as I don't do that. I just want spend time with friends during the day.

He then gets paranoid and messages me and tells makes me feel crap about being outside or being with friends and tells me that I am supposed to stay home all the time with the kids and that I shouldn't be outside .

He counts the amount of times I'm out and even if I take too long at the shop or am outside for a walk he will text me crazy things about me having responsibilities.

Sorry a bit of a rant but I have no one else to talk to about this .

He has a low self-esteem and thinks (knows) you can do better than him.

That's why he wants to keep your life in the home.

It won't get better.

You're better off on your own. As your children get older you will have a bit more freedom with every milestone they pass.

Honestly, there's more freedom in being a single parent than in being married to a controlling man with a low self-esteem.

Hi everyone thank you all for taking the time to read and reply , I really appreciate it
I feel so much better reading everything you've all suggested / your advice

I would individually reply to all of you but as I'm new to this I have no idea how to do it

But to add more to what I wrote previously
I did grow up with a controlling father
I wasn't able to go out when I was younger too and this continued until I was married,
During my younger years I thought this was normal as I didn't knows as much as I do now.

I didn't have much freedom back then so I was never able to build friendships or have days out with friends , all I knew was school home and days out with the family.

My mother died when I was young and my dad re married.

Everything you're all saying is right and I will take your advice , I deserve my freedom and I deserve to be happy. But because I didn't know how to go about it all that's why I found this place where I could at least speak to someone . It felt like I am the bad person and if I leave everyone will blame me especially my family .

But like you all said I need to think about myself and my children and not be afraid to get out and have a better life

Thank you all again , sending all my love .

Think about your kids turning out like you now if you stay. They may go on to marry similar controlling people. Take strength and show them that women are not property and deserve to live life free and happy.

Phone woman’s aid or refuge while he is out

He's abusing you

It doesnt always have to have been a controlling father that sets you up for a controlling partner.
It can be a mother who didnt meet your emotional needs.

ABUSE!
Get rid and live your life.
Nobody gets to tell you when you can or can’t go out

Please speak to someone who can help. Women's Aid is a good idea.

Hi OP. Your DH is abusive. How he behaves is called Coercive Control and is now against the law. You could, if you wish, report him to the police. You have a right to be a free adult and to go where you want, when you want and with whom you want. There is little prospect of change with these types of men. I wish you all the best.

If you do plan to leave you need to ask about what you need to do before you do.
It needs some planning so ask early.