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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stay or leave?

3 replies

Jessh28 · 24/07/2020 20:42

Hi need some advice, would you stay or would you leave?

Bit of background:
Been with my partner on and off for about 6years we have 2 beautiful children.
At the start things were amazing, pretty soon he started to become jealous, insecure, he would question everything and become very controlling. As soon as I became pregnant he became violent. He would convince me it was my fault and I would apologise to him because he made me believe I mentally abused him resulting in him lashing out at me.

Fast forward a few years and we split up, he got into a new relationship in a matter of hours, things were extremely toxic and we cut ties for a year, he had no contact with me or our children.

From an accidental run in a year on he slowly crept back into our lives and I thought he changed, back to the start of our relationship all those years ago. Turns out he was cheating on me for 2 months and got both of us pregnant, I found this out on the day I suffered a miscarriage. And the other girl lied about being pregnant. I lost my house and found I had no where else to go but move in with him.

I want to leave but I’m scared. I’m not happy but I’m so scared of leaving.

Any advice welcome...

OP posts:
MummyToPrince · 24/07/2020 21:09

@jessh28 you need to leave and never go back, he's abusing you, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Are you able to ring the council or woman's aid?

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 24/07/2020 23:56

The Independent Domestic Violence Advocacy services with local councils are really good for advice and support. If he has been violent before it’s likely to happen again. You didn’t say why you lost your home. Have you spoken to local council housing/ homeless services?

Dery · 25/07/2020 01:37

He sounds like a bastard and you will be much better off without him. Why are you scared of leaving? Is it because you don't currently know where else to go? Or are you scared of how he might react?

He has been physically violent in the past so you should definitely plan to leave as soon as you can. Do not tell him that you are leaving him. He is likely to increase his abuse of you if he knows he is losing you.

If you contact Women's Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk/, they should be able to help you plan your get away, including finding a place in a refuge for you and your DCs if you have nowhere else to go - though it may take a little while to find you a refuge space. A number of posters on MN have spent time in refuges and can reassure you that they are good supportive places and there is no need to fear them.

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