confused by this situation

[Kat890]

Hi

I’ve been in a ‘situationship’ with a guy for a year now.. known him a few years but we’re just friends before then started dating.

I’m 31 and he is 29.both no kids . I would like to settle down soon and tbh don’t think that’s even on his mind. He is Muslim and I think he wants to eventually settle down with a Muslim woman

I say situationship as this has basically now turned in to just sex.. started off him pursuing me relentlessly offering to take me away fancy dates etc. It all changed when I asked him where he saw this going.. the dates stopped and I felt he tried to reinforce so much that this was just sex for example coming round late not making time for me etc leaving in the morning.

I have tried to break it off with him a few times to which he comes on strong again. He messes with my head and sometimes makes me feel he has feelings for me then other times really seems as though he wouldn’t give a shit if I got married tmrow and Never saw him again.

He texts me all the time, isn’t just one of those things where we have sex then he goes home after and only speak again when we want sex which tbh seems like that would be easier as I wouldn’t be feeling so confused.

I asked him the other day again why the dates stopped He said to me the other day he isn’t prepared to date me as ‘to much has happened and we’ve had to many arguments’ yet he is happy to come here and just have sex.

sometimes he asks me about guys and I feel he pushes me on to other guys.. and says he wants me to meet someone . Then he says he doesn’t want to hear anything I’m up to and to not try and make him jealous (I don’t )

Deep down I know this is now clearly about sex for him which I have said I want to stop ( he doesn’t belive me ) but I don’t get why constantly text me ask about my day etc and then act like he couldn’t give a shit about me when I ask him certain things.

I know I need to move on I’ve tried to block him etc but he ends up contacting me Somehow.. we didn’t talk for over a month before and he got back in touch

Tbh he makes me feel like He thinks I’m not worthy for him which I’ve told him and he said ‘ I hope you find someone who doesn’t make you feel that’

He is well aware I have feelings for him and he’s never once told me he feels the same. The situation is making me feel quite shit

The sooner you put an end to this the better.
You'll look back on this one day and wonder why on earth you let the shit treat you like this for so long.
You can't make someone love you and he definitely doesn't.

Please get out of this now and under no circumstances should you let him "introduce you to someone", that seems dodgy to me. He's using you until he gets married, he doesn't respect you and he isn't your friend. Even FWB treat each other with respect. Love, sex, friendships are supposed to be positive things in your life, this is not that.

Take care

Blocking on everything isn’t as simple as I left a quite big detail out. We work at the same company (not directly with each other though )

So block him and talk to your HR department if there is any fallout whatsoever from blocking him and ending the relationship.

You must steel yourself and simply stop communicating in any way with him.

You can text him to say the relationship is over and you are blocking him, and that if he tries to communicate with you again you will view it as harassment.

Keep that text. Never clear it from your phone.

Is there any way he could be construed to be your superior/ manager?

Have to agree with others on this thread.
He isn't interested in anything serious, he just wants the sex & he knows that making conversation brought text etc and being nice will lead to him getting his own way.

Block him & move on with a guy who deserves you. Don't waste anymore time on this guy.
Life is too short for sucky situationships.

You know what you need to do you just don't want to

We can't help you when you you are colluding in letting him devalue you. He "somehow finds a way" to contact you and you fall for the sweet talk over and over.

You are only fooling yourself. He is using you and you are helping him do it.

Make your mind up what you really want and then follow through. It's quite simple really

@mathanxiety not my manager or superior and never would be .. were in two completly diff departments now if anything he’s a level below me in his department

You need to take control of your own life.

It's no good lamenting the way he treats you and then going back for more - he's not going to have an epiphany and change. He gets exactly what he wants out of you the way things are.

You have to stop this merry-go-round yourself. Empower yourself and stop being suckered.

OP, imagine your sister / best friend / daughter being treated this way and take your head for a wobble. Your follow up posts just seem to be making allowances for why you are putting up with this. Sure, it might be hard; but it WILL be worth it.

Please have some self respect. He is stealing the remainder of your fertile years. You deserve more, but no one can do this but you.

Get this waste of space binned, today.

Great, @Kat890, so you don't have that minefield to deal with.

Tell him in a final text to cease and desist and then block him.