Attitudes to women in Brazil

[stormsarebrilliant]

Hullo, I have a date coming up with a guy who comes from Brazil. I've previously dated a guy from a notoriously misogynistic country and, despite my lovely liberal ideas about not pre-judging him, he was indeed totally sexist (he would have seen himself as liberal and not sexist, but he really, really was). I've had a couple of friends who married guys from very patriarchal societies and they both said that once they were married they started to really see the influence of their husband's culture upon how they behaved in the marriage. So I'm more wary now about dating people from very misogynistic or patriarchal societies and would at least like a heads up about the culture he grew up in. Anyone know anything?

Well, you seem pretty clued up about the topic. I'm from there, so I know the society quite well. Be VERY aware of red flags.

I believe that Brazil is a country where women can be denied an abortion even when raped by a family member. From memory it is a very sexist country but it’s women are trying hard to change that.

I could be wrong though. Unfortunately higher levels of sexism are so prevalent it’s easier to remember those that aren’t.

Thanks for the replies. Not encouraging MsEllany!

@bringon2020, are you able to say a little more about what the attitudes to women are like? What role do men expect to have in a relationship?
What are their attitudes to women in a relationship?

It depends a lot. Well educated men will pretend to see women as equals, but it's very rare to find a man who really feels that. They may be ok with a woman working and making money, for example, but most will balk at cleaning their own toilet/ cleaning baby poo/ accepting that a woman can have sex just for fun/ accepting she may not look good (while men are allowed to look however they want) etc. It's ingrained, as you said, in their culture.
You may have found an exception, you never know.
Please ask if you have more specific questions.

Ugh I married an "enlightened" man from patriarchal culture. Biggest mistake of my life! They believe in equality except at the house where the expect you to be just like mummy....sometimes you don't realize how deep culture differences are until it's too late...

Thanks Bringon2020, he did make quite a few comments about my appearance and how I was 'just his type' which made me uncomfortable. Now I am thinking that may be a cultural expectation of how I should look rather than an awkward attempt to be complimentary. At least I can go in with my eyes open. I have told him that it is a brief date as I have to get back early, so can escape quite easily!

I think it depends. We had a porter from Portugal who did not like the fact that his Boss was female and went mad when he was off and his wages were given to his wife.

My colleague is married to a Portuguese guy and he is totally different. He also does most of the household chores - my colleague readily admits this . His brother holds charming views on women and in particular English people!

@stormsarebrilliant it really depends on the guy.

Was he educated in England? Were his parents also educated in England? If it is a family where generations have regularly gone and worked/studied abroad, it may be less of a problem as they are likely to be more Westernized.

I also come from a patriarchal culture but I wouldn't say all men from my background are inherently sexist. If I had married within my culture, I would only have gone for men who are very exposed to Western cultural norms, not just from studying/working in a western country but from a family where it was normal to do so.

I'm Mexican in many ways our culry mirrors Brazilian culture. I think more educated /higher class will be different to lower classes. My family has has working mothers for a few generations. My cousin's all help with the housework and are not sexist at all. All my friends are the same, but my background is of university educated parents and grandparents. All with professional jobs. We've had nannies, drivers, live in handy men, etc... So not necessarily average.

@Desiringonlychild as someone from that side of the world your comment is a tad offensive. We are part of the Western culture :/ unless of course you're talking about indigenous people, but all in all if Americans are considered Western so are we.

@Fressia123 apologies, didn't mean to cause offence! Actually meant anglo/continental europe. I would have said US/UK but I don't actually find American men treat women very well, had a bit of an eye opener with some distant in laws from the USA.

But yeah OP's idea of a good husband/egalitarianism would be based on British cultural norms so I thought that an indicated as whether this guy is more in line with her expectations would be whether his family has sufficient exposure to the UK. For example, I don't think my home country, Singapore is a bad country for women at all, but the men in my country still expect their wives to live with their mothers and don't like it if their wives slept around a lot prior to marriage, but are ok with women working and most singaporean men help out a lot with the house. But i think British women would not be ok with that view.

Was he educated in England? Were his parents also educated in England?

I don't think so. I think his family are all in Brazil. I met him OLD, this will be the first time we have met. You can tell English is not his first language when he writes, not because his English is bad its good , but there is just something that comes across in the phrasing that is different from a native English speaker.

Well, met him last night. He was indeed very sexist. Went into a long monologue about the pros and cons of whether he wanted to date me, where it had clearly never occurred to him that I may also be deciding whether I wanted to see him again, instead I was just to await his decision. Then he stuck his face on mine whilst also sticking his hand up my skirt and down my pants. It was the worst date I have ever had. Definitely not seeing him again.

Oh boy... It sounds like he is an idiot regardless of culture. At least now you know and are well rid. ♥️

Is this hobby of meeting random men (unsuitable or not) something you should be doing in these Pandemic times ?

That’s a shame OP as I was just reading the thread to say my current partner is Latin American (Venezuela) and treats me fat better than any past partners inc British guys.
They don’t have any prudish around sex, and see women and mothers as being goddesses as they birth all the children! Not sure if it’s just him and his family or a general thing out there.