It could have been me writing your words above.
I have a brother 5 years younger who is clearly the favourite. And even when hes had a bit to drink he will tell friends he doesnt know how i didnt smother him as a child because he was treated way better than i was. a few examples are he was given a car when he turned 17 while i got nothing, they paid for his studies and gave him pocket money to have a gap year whilst i had to work as soon as i left school. i studied in the evenings and they did pay for that...but i had to pay it back WITH interest. He always got everything in terms of motor bikes, music equipment, sports gear(im talking about as after he turned 18-not just when he was a child) and the excuse for that was that these were hobbies that he did with my dad...boys and there toys.
From the age of twlve i would come home from school each day and do washing, vaccuum and make supper for my parents getting home. On top of this my father was very abusive towards my mom and i would always intervene while he was hitting her, getting hit myself, while my brother would stay in his room with the headphones on. Yet still, my mom would make me feel useless, not good enough. I even remember breaking up with a boyfriend and she said he was the best i would ever get and i had screwed up my chances in life. (at 17?)
Anyway. My brother got married 10 years ago, his wife disliked my parents and this caused my brother to be very distant. to a point of not calling on birthdays or christmas etc even though he lived 20 minutes away.
During this time my Mom and i became close enough.I now see it wasnt so much as close more manipulating in terms of saying nice things so that i would do things for her. But it worked, we were all relatively happy.
My brother then dropped the bombshell. he was divorcing his wife. He was seeing someone else and i got him back to speaking with my parents again.(not that they had disowned him...he just felt embarrassed after his behaviour)
I then moved with my family to another country, My brother followed a year later and my parents a year after that. So we are all in the same vicinity now. My brother moved for his new girlfriend as she was seen as a homewrecker and she wanted a fresh start leaving his 2 kids bhind in a country 12 hours flight time away.
My parents have been overly positive with regards to my brother and his girlfriend and they were quite offish with me and my family.
We were at a small birthday event for OUR friends birthday this past weekend and to be nice they invited my brother too. Now where i stay everyone knows everone and his girlfriend gossips to them about how her and my mother feel about us. this has got back to me on numerous occasions but i dont want to rock the boat so i have kept it under wraps. I hugged them both on arriving, tried chatting but they remained distant. My brother then ended up drinking WAY too much, Obviously broken inside about his kids and then he exploded with rage. Pushed my husband and our friends about as well as my 13 year old daughter. Through bottles at people, started hitting and kicking cars and told me to F off (screaming SAS style in my face) kicked me and then left.
Literally nothing had happened and i feel embarrassed saying that because obviously there is 2 sides to every story (OR 3) but i do know there was no wrongdoing. I was recently diagnosed with a neurological condition which affects me massively. to a point of our frinds saying i seemed very tired etc...that is the only thing i can think of that they may have seen as me being distant.
So the point to this whole long story is that he went to my parents and said whatever he said happened that night...and now i have been blocked from them on all forms of social media, phone email etc, they have also blocked my children. I just dont understand how at a time when he had no time for them they didnt even let him know they were upset but i really believe i have helped them so much bt because they was to stay friendly with my brother they have cut me off
In a way i feel relieved...genuinely. But like you i feel guilty and wonder what they are telling people. And people wonder how terrible i must be that my parents want nothing to do with me SO that side of it isnt nice at all