Housing Association property - How to get him to leave

[doloresclaiborne]

Without boring everyone to death with details of my marriage I have decided that he cannot be trusted (at all), he is a liar and I want to end the marriage.

He has a long history of joining internet dating sites and chatting with other women. I though this had stopped but every time I walk past him he shuts his iPad down so I can't see what he is looking at. Now I am no Agatha Christie but I am betting he is doing something that he shouldn't be. And I have had enough of his shit.

We live in my HA property. This is in my name only. We are married and presumably he has "home rights", ie I cannot just kick him out.

If I leave with my DS (not my husband's son) then I doubt that the HA will let him keep the house and transfer the tenancy to him.

I don't mind private renting but obviously I would rather that he left and I could stay in my home.

Has anyone got any advice about this or experience of this situation?

*thought

Have you spoken to the HA? If you say irrevocable breakdown of relationship, I doubt they have to house him.

Definitely speak to the HA to tell them what's going on. At the least, if anything develops, it will help you to have options in your head already.

Thanks for your responses. I suppose I feel trapped. I don't really want to leave my home, because I have a secure tenancy, which I wouldn't have in the private sector. But I cannot continue living with someone who lies to me all of the time.

My husband also has a CCJ (6K) so this means that he would struggle to get a privately rented home as he would fail the credit checks. So he has even less reason to leave as he is not going to make himself homeless.

If you leave, they'll probably kick him out anyway as he's not on the tenancy so he'll be homeless anyway.

Speak to your HA before you do anything silly like give up a secure tenancy. It is not a joint tenancy so I don't think he has "home rights" just because you're married. He's a guest. It's your contract with the HA. If you feel you can't go to HA for some reason, contact Shelter.

Thank you. I think I will contact Shelter as obviously I would prefer to be able to stay in my home if possible. I don't really want to speak to the HA at the moment as I feel a bit worried about telling them what's happening. When I said my H was moving in they just said that he couldn't be on the tenancy but that he would be an "occupier".

However having looked into this online it seems that if we are married then he has the right to stay there and I cannot throw him out.

Housing Officer for a LA here. You are correct that while you are the sole tenant you are married so your husband would have home rights until you divorce. However, if he is violent/abusive you can talk to Women's Aid about having him removed. If he isn't abusive then a frank conversation would need to be had where you urge him to leave for the sake of you and your DS.

Do not leave your HA property for a private rental. Private rentals are much more expensive and less secure. If a landlord were to give notice because they needed their property back, there would be a very long wait for social housing again.

In addition to this, if you left your husband and he remained in the property the HA would not allow it as he would under occupying a family home (given that he has no children living with him permanently) and would give him notice to leave as he is not a joint tenant so the HA property would be lost regardless.

You need to protect you and your DS and remain in the family home. Do not allow him to trap you, his housing issues are not your problem once you get him out of the property.

I looked online about this
Once you are divorced he has no legal right to stay in a lease in your name, so divorcing him will help you along. Can you start this process? You have no house to sell so it should be straight forward

I don’t think you can enforce he leaves now (has he been violent at all? As that’s different) but you need to speak to the HA. A court can enforce he leaves. HA won’t get involved they will just tell you the policy. He may leave of his own accord if you are actually divorcing him and he has no legal right to stay once you are no longer married and unlikely to win in a court if he is working and in good health, the CCJ in his name and his problem!

Thank you so much for this advice, which is really appreciated.

No, he is not physically abusive but he is emotionally abusive.

For example if I say something in the "wrong" tone and he is in one of his moods then he flies into a rage and says horrible things to me, calling me fat, ugly etc and saying that he wished he had never married me, that he was forced into it blah blah blah. Then he usually follows this up with saying he wants a divorce and when I want to discuss this he goes upstairs and totally blanks me for a few days.

Then, when the temper tantrum has ended, he deigns to speak to me again.

He cannot take even the slightest suggestion that he may not be perfect. And when he feels like he is being "attacked" (his word not mine) he immediately gets really defensive and loses his temper and starts calling me names.

He also refuses to socialise and never wants to go out with me. I suggested last week that we could go to the pub locally for a few drinks last weekend and he turned his nose up. Obviously we haven't been anywhere since lockdown and I just wanted a few hours out of the house so that we could talk, rather than watching tv but he didn't want to go anywhere.

So it's all pretty shit to be honest.

File for divorce.

Just do it.

Once you have started the process tell him.

If he becomes abusive, phone the police - they will remove him.

Basically if you are willing to bite the bullet and do those two things - no more discussion and browbeating, just DOING IT - then you will, eventually, be able to get him out and have peace.

It's not an easy road, but there will be literally NOTHING HE CAN DO if you actually file, grit your teeth and go ahead.

He can't stop you divorcing him, and if he becomes abusive in an attempt to bully you out of doing so, he'll be removed anyway. It is a win-win.

@doloresclaiborne you have just described DV it’s doesn’t need to be physical, contact womens aid.

*it

Your husband's behavior is the textbook definition of abuse,100%

I think you can file for divorce online. Obviously this would come as a bit of a nasty shock to him but I can’t see any other way to get him out

I’d expect his DV came as a bit of a nasty shock for you...

Do what you need to do to protect you & your sons home. You’re doing the right thing.

he sounds bloody awful. I'm the process of divorcing STBXH. I also live in an HA property, in my sole name (tenancy has always been in my sole name). We separated when he basically flounced (I WAS devastated at the time, but actually this worked in my favour as I didn't have to fight to get him out). We initially agreed to try and work on things whilst separated (lots of crap, long story, found out extent of alcohol and then drug use), but then he dumped me and I found out he'd been seeing someone behind my back.

I filed for divorce citing unreasonable behaviour. I'd suggest quietly collecting info, making a diary of his unreasonable behaviour, the fact that he blanks you/won't engage when you want to try and talk about things and then filing for divorce. If you have shared finances, maybe have a look at trying to get your own account to have your salary paid into, and maybe have household bills put across to your own name in the meantime (before filing for divorce). I didn't need to do this as we had separate finances all the way through our marriage, and household bills were in my name only. Wishing you all the best x

The good news is that.we don’t have any joint accounts etc. I didn’t want to share finances when I realised he didn’t like paying back debts.

I will start to keep a diary of his behaviour though. That’s a really good idea because I forget afterwards exactly what’s been said as he twists things and denies saying things I know he has said.

phew, separate finances and you are in sole name on tenancy. Whatever you do, don't leave the home. It's your home, and it's a very secure tenancy.

Don't be afraid of letting the HA know what's happening. I got my tenancy before I married my STBXH, and the housing officer told me to keep the tenancy to my sole name at all costs. I've never forgotten that! I let my HA know and they were very lovely about things: had his name removed as an occupier and told me to let them know if there are any problems! NB I didn't tell Ex I'd notified the HA that he was no longer an "occupier" .

Keep a diary of his behaviours somewhere where he won't find it. What you need is several bits of unreasonable behaviour (and describe how they make you feel) that mean that you cannot and do not want to be married to him any more. Save and screenshot any texts or abusive emails from him.

Also, might be useful....each time he calls you names/is verbally abusive, quietly start flagging it with the police, via a non-emergency number (my local police gave me a ref number which I was able to use each time something happened). My ExH was only verbally nasty when he was on the drink/drugs, but it was useful in building up a picture of what he was like.

PM me if you ever need to! Take care :)

PS go onto one of the free credit check websites and make sure that he's not used your name to take out credit...

Your HA will be able to help you, op. They'll have experience of domestic abuse and it won't tell against you in regard to the tenancy. Speak to your housing officer, they should be able to signpost you to local help and take you through options for getting him out. Shelter are a good call also.

That's emotionally abusive...

You don't need to delay on the online divorce, it's pretty straightforward and you will have 3 examples already of his unreasonable behaviour. It costs £550 to do it online. You could get an order from the judge for your costs, I did, but he never repaid me a penny. As someone else said just do it.

I had a look online last night after he had gone to bed. It appears (on the face of it) that he has "home rights" until we are divorced. This suggests that after the divorce has been finalised then he will no longer have the right to live in the house. I am thinking of booking an appointment with a solicitor, just to confirm this position, before I apply online for a divorce. I can just about afford the fee (I earn too much to qualify for an exemption of the fee - my salary is not huge but over the limits for this).

Yes, I suppose it probably is abuse.

He can be absolutely horrible at times. There is usually an "explosion" every four/five months where he loses his temper and calls me lots of names, suggests that he is already seeing someone else and says he wants a divorce. Then he ignores me for a few days until he calms down.

Every time this happens I feel like I have been run over. And then he expects everything to go back to normal after he has said all of these vile things to me. I think he is currently working himself up to an explosion because he is stropping around telling me how "bored" he is and how everything in his life is shit and no one appreciates him etc.

I wish he would get it over with and then I can just agree with him when he tells me that he wants a divorce.....