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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you help me message him in the nicest possible way?

10 replies

CakesRus3 · 23/07/2020 10:52

I was dating someone from Jan until a couple of weeks ago, obviously with lockdown, there was a couple of months we couldn't. That didn't end very well. He ended it by text. We didn't spend a great deal of time together but it still upset me.
A guy I went to school with asked me out for a drink. We chat via social media sometimes. I knew he had recently come out of a relationship. Anyway, I went. Not really thinking too much about it. He wants to see me again but....I know this is a bit of a rebound situation. Both ends, maybe more his as his past relationship appeared to be quite serious. That ended in march, been together a couple of years. I did enjoy his company. We did talk about his ex, only because I asked. We spoke about my dating history too. Obviously other things too. I did say yes when he messaged last night. I would actually like to see him again but I think it's a good thing to have time alone to move on after a breakup. I don't know if it's a good idea.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 23/07/2020 10:59

What is it you want to say? Do you want to see him but just as friends? Or not see him at all?

CakesRus3 · 23/07/2020 11:03

Well, I don't think it's wise to so soon after. I don't really want to be a rebound. However, I did enjoy his company.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 23/07/2020 11:09

If he split with his ex in March and they were together a couple of years, I don't think 4 months is necessarily too soon.

My advice would be if you like him and enjoyed his company and he wasn't crying on the floor about his ex, see him again and just take it from there. You don't need to make any promises to each other at this stage, just enjoy each other's company.

Some people might not agree but I do think sometimes that you don't move on from someone until you meet someone else who takes your mind off them so maybe it's what you both need?

CodenameVillanelle · 23/07/2020 11:12

"Hey blokesname, thanks for the message and thank you so much for suggesting another date. I had a really lovely time with you and I think you're great, but I've reflected that it's a bit too soon after the end of my relationship for me to be dating and I need to take a step back and take some time to move on before I date anyone. I wish you all the best! Yourname x"

fflelp · 23/07/2020 11:40

If you'd like to see him again then do so but say you want to take things slowly as it hasn't been long since your break up.
I don't think your previous relationship was very long and I appreciate you are upset it ended but it's not like you're sorting through a lot of baggage from a longer term relationship or dealing with the after effects of cheating or abuse (presumably not from how you've phrased your OP) so maybe give him a chance but don't rush things.

Iiketoreadeveryday · 23/07/2020 12:11

Go out enjoy each other's company
See how it goes, you can be friends
I do not think rules apply if your happy and enjoy each other's company.
The reflective stepping back text is a little much I feel, keep it simple of you go in that direction.

pallasathena · 23/07/2020 12:16

Understand what you're saying OP but life is for living and sometimes, it's good to take a chance and see what happens.
You like him. He likes you.
Take it slow and steady and give yourself permission to live and just maybe...love again.

JudyGemstone · 23/07/2020 22:17

If you feel like it's too soon for you then fine but don't do anything based on what you asssume is the case for him.

lifestooshort123 · 24/07/2020 05:24

You'd been dating someone since January but knock off a bit for lockdown? I'm sorry but you were still in the getting-to-know-him stage! I read somewhere that you need to allow a month for every year you were together to grieve before you're ready to try again. This new chap sounds a perfect distraction for you and I'd go for it - keep it light as he probably has more serious baggage than you and not ready for anything heavy. Go and have some fun.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/07/2020 05:35

You are massively over thinking this. Just take it slow and enjoy getting to know him.

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