I can do this, can't I....

[PositivityNeeded]

I'm newly single (we broke up yesterday- it was inevitable but was hoping it would end with us being kind to each other but he went in on me in the worst way and lots of absolutely horrible stuff came out on his texts - massive head trip for me - he clearly never loved me). Laid here in my car feeling shellshocked, scared, alone and worried. He's leaving this morning and I'm scared to go back until he's gone. He can't take everything in one go so he'll have to keep coming back. Although it was inevitable and ultimately for the best, I feel so so sad.

I can't afford to live in the house by myself so will have to sell. I've no money, a child (not with him) to support. I've never been alone before. I have no help or support. I have no idea how to do maintenance. There's so much I need to learn and fast. My head is spinning, my heart is breaking. Please can anyone give advice on how to get through.

What do you need proof of, he is not a tenant??
He is using delay tactics and you will be faced with the same story next week and every week after that.
You need to tell him to leave and if he wont go phone the police for advice at least.

Yes, get him out. Do you have a friend or relative who can come and supervise?

Also - in addition to benefits, do claim single occupier discount on your council tax. Can you reduce eg tv package for a bit, streaming services etc?

You will be so much better off with this man out of your life.

I agree he needs to go. He has no rights here, it’s your house.

He doesn't get to call the shots or tell you when he's leaving. It's your house, you tell him

Letting him stay has made him think you're a pushover. Tell him you've changed your mind and he can leave or you'll call the police.

Hi OP, do you claim benefits? If not you should apply ASAP, and if you do you need to notify them you are now a single claimant ASAP. You should get the single claimant and child element.

As your income is so low apply for council tax reduction directly with your local council this is in addition to the single occupier discount of 25%.

As you are mortgaged could you look into changing the term of the mortgage to reduce payments or asking for a mortgage break until you get back on your feet?

How much did he actually cost you in terms of extra food, council tax, entertainment, sports tv package, meals out/booze, electricity, gas etc. You’ll probably find his £50 was far below the cost of keeping him.

Don’t rush into decisions about selling so quickly, your most important thing to do is GET HIM OUT. Has he honestly not got a solitary human being in the world who wouldn’t give him a sofa? No friends, no family? It’s just easier for him to stay as long as he likes, mess with your emotions and try to get a shag before he may or may not actually leave.

It’s your bloody house, he ended the relationship, he gets to fuck off. My dear dad sat downstairs on the day I bin bagged all my ex’s stuff and told him to get out. He didn’t have to do anything, the simple fact he was there meant my ex didn’t try to intimidate or bully me into backing down. Maybe get some outside help to do something like that?

You have no obligation to be fair to him. You can tell him to go and call the police if he won't. Put it in an email that he needs to leave by a certain date, and tell him that you will have him forcibly evicted if necessary. If there's any hint of him turning violent, get it and call the police.
I also bet that you'll actually be better off than you expect once he's gone. Would you be able to rent it a room in the short term?

Feeling a bit more positive today - working through my list at speed! I actually thought today 'this is MY house. I know it's going to be hard but I CAN do this. Paint it how I want, sleep in the whole bed by myself, watch what I want'. It's made me smile to think. He's been out all day so I cleared his drawers and wardrobe into bags and put them in the garage. He was pissed off when he got back and saw but I said to him he'll need to do it anyway for when he leaves. I know I'm too soft but I was trying to have proof id been fair and asked him to go if I need to get the police involved on Friday. Which I will. I'm resolute.

I've looked into the single person discount and see it's a 25% reduction which helps do much. Work have offered more work so I'll throw myself into that. And I've done the benefits checker and it looks like I'm able to get some support. A bit naughty but I did a little profile on Tinder and got some swipes. Not ready at all to pursue it so deleted it but just made me feel a bit more positive about the future.

The only way is up.... 🙂

Love that OP.
You sound strong. Keep,it up.

Stay strong OP! Would just like to add to previous posters great advice that you sound like an absolute lovely strong woman. You’ve got this!! Xx

Well done OP!! This time in a few months you’ll look back and be SO glad you were this strong!! 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

Could you consider getting a lodger in to help with bills?
It would be company for you and a regular guaranteed income

Why are you putting yourself through this?
You know he doesn't like you yet he has control in your house while you hide away upstairs.
He's stalling/controlling the situation because he thinks you'll cave in a few days and let him stay.
It's your house so tell him he needs to go by tomorrow afternoon latest otherwise you will get help in getting him out.
Better still, have you got a brother/dad/friend that can help you to get him to leave?
If yes you can take him by surprise and do it that way.

@PositivityNeeded

Well done OP !!
A year on from now, your paths may cross, and you will wonder what on earth you saw in him.
Brilliant advice on this thread from others who have gone through the same.
I was just thinking of the poem "There's wisdom in women" by Rupert Brooke.

Well done, PP suggested a house mate, that is a good idea.