Lost all closeness with my partner

[mummaliketoeat]

I've lost all closeness with my partner
Our baby is 5 months old now and our relationship is hanging on by a thread
We've been together for 4 years now, and our intimacy has decreased a lot. We used to be at it like rabbits haha! But I imagine we had sex twice while I was pregnant and not at all since
We have no closeness anymore, no cuddles, no kisses, no nothing.
I have no desire to have sex with him 1. I'm so tired, 2. I just don't feel attracted to him at all like I used to but I wonder if this is because we are so distant now
I know being a new parent is hard, but I don't know whether It's just the end of the day on the relationship or whether things will get better.
I want them to get better but I don't know how
If he rolls over and touches me in bed in his sleep or something it makes me jump and it feels like a stranger. I feel so uncomfortable now and I really feel we have just lost ourselves
Any advise would be much appreciated :( x

I dont think lockdown will have helped. Can you do a date night in the house without the baby there (someone babysitting elsewhere)? I can say say it does get better once you start feeling better about yourself which for me was at the 6 month point.

It's your body's way of making sure you don't get pregnant again too soon! Perfectly natural to feel this way.

Can you talk to him about it? Tell him you are aware of it, that you don't want it to be long term, but that at the moment, you're caught up with baby stuff (and most likely 'touched out' at the end of the day, having a little one clinging to you!) and ask him to be patient with you while you both adjust to parenting.

Plenty of new parents go through this phase, but its important to try and find other ways to connect and show your love, so that you have something to come back to when you're ready.

Maybe have a little talk about the 5 Love Languages and find ways to show each other your love in different ways, whether that's kind words, or 'acts of service'. Once the easy intimacy has gone it can be difficult to rekindle it, so just start small, with hand holding, a kiss as you pass in the kitchen etc, to try and get back to those small touches feeling normal again.

I feel similar with my OH. Since having our baby 8 weeks ago we have barely touched! It makes me sad as we had a very close physical relationship right up until her birth.

For us a lot of it is because we bedshare with baby so this of course presents an issue! I know others get around this by being creative but this isn't an option for us as I also have a 10 and a 13 year-old!!

We haven't had any time just us two since her birth - she goes up to bed when we do and teenage son does also. I do feel distant from him.

I am sure things will get more back to normal as your baby gets older.

Have you talked to your OH about it?

I could have written your post but my baby is nearly 10months.
I hope it gets better

Same. We don’t have a baby though he’s just an annoying tit.

There are so many pressures and demands on your time and energy when you have a newborn it's easy for sex to drop down your list of priorities. You need to make a positive effort to make sure that doesn't happen, you may not get back the insatiable desire that you had in the past for some time. You may find that sex is a bit of an effort and more routine than before but it is very important that you make time for some form of regular intimacy between you however busy and stressed you are. It only takes a few minutes and it will remind you of why you got together in the first place and hopefully you will be able to put aside your other worries just for that short time. And it will set you up well for the future - sex is the glue in an LTR it will keep you together when everything else is falling apart. I've been with my DW 30 years and that is in large part due to a continuing sexual attraction which we have made a conscious effort to maintain.