Does anyone else have a partner that brings this up...

[fringeandtrainers]

My partner and I are having communication problems at the moment. I feel like i'll say something pretty innocuous (for e.g. earlier when 3 year old was losing her mind, he said he felt like he had upset her, I said not to read too deeply into it and he got all huffy and told me he WASN'T doing that, and could I just LET HIM FINISH)

I lost it at that point as I have had a few of these instances today of saying something that had no weight to it (or so I thought) and having a big reaction.

We argued for a bit and he will bring up trauma from his childhood and self esteem issues. Totally get. But I get this needling feeling that you can't be regularly shitty and reactionary to your girlfriend and then bring this up? Am I wrong? Should I be more sympathetic and look to my part more? I'm not perfect but i'm not crappy either!

Thanks for listening.

My DH has done this twice I've e4 years, first time he randomly shouted "WHY DO U ALWAYS DISMISS ME"

He never shouts and I never dismiss him, so that was completely abnormal.

I think it's a mixture of frustration and inability to put what they want to say across properly.

If he continues to do it, I wouldn't be happy and would need to raise it with him.

"I've e4" is supposed to be in over

It might be that on those few occasions he just wanted you to listen to him, rather than offer reassurance/advice. It’s good that he recognises he has self-esteem issues and these are of course not your fault, but might be something to be mindful of when he expresses how he feels to you. E.g. it might have been better to say “why do you think that?” When he said he felt he had upset his daughter rather than tell him he was reading too much into it. Obviously this is much harder to do “in the moment” than after being given time to think about it!

Also it does not give him the right to shout at you!

Thank you! Unfortunately it’s becoming a bit of a pattern and I’m tired so probably not reacting ever so well. We are talking every few days. I’ve said to him that he already puts a filter on of ‘i’m shit at things and she’s having a go’ which he agreed with but it doesn’t stop these big reactions when I might say something or nothing.
Life in lockdown/post lockdown is fun!
Should I just say ‘this needs to stop mate’
It’s probably not THAT easy though. Is it?!