I’ve never been a person to look into the past of significant others. Most of the time I don’t find it a healthy process, as it really is the past and what matters is the present and the future. I believe there is no purpose to creating an issue out of something that could be avoided, to keep the relationship healthy.
However, recently I have struggled with a few revelations of my partner. Things I have found out from her and what some others (her friends, ex’s) have all said. All these facts married up and she confirmed it, of course for context I should divulge into the subject matter.
My current partner, who is very committed to /and is moving our relationship forward. Has a significant history of being unfaithful to all but one of her relationships. Even capturing one of her past ‘unprotected’ infidelities on video and keeping it. She has sexted, flirted, joined online sites, sent naked pics to people and ex’s and lied to past partners about doing it.
Being open minded I would see that these relationships were dysfunctional, as this is what she has told me in the past. But hearing other insights, it seems she was the one actively committing these acts without provocation (recent ex’s). And that past partners were the ones dealing with her ‘dysfunction’, some have confessed how much they were hurt by this process.
We had a big talk about this, she’s admitted she’s been seeking treatment for it (without going into too much detail). But even in the month before when she was single, she continued with these sexual processes.
She has admitted to me that she has fallen deeply in love, that this is what she always wanted but was unable to have. As other past relationships weren’t entirely successful and she didn’t end them she just committed numerous acts of infidelity.
It’s here I ask for some insight, knowing she has been a serial cheater and has lied about it, never to face up to it. Do I go with my instincts and just do what I thinks best? Which is to continue to love her with all my heart and support her, reassure her etc. But state that cheating (in any context) is not appropriate behaviour, that I will walk away from her and that’s the consequence. Is it okay for me to have some trepidation? Can you really trust someone who have cheated and lied numerous times through their entire dating past (minus one which was not recent)?
I’m not trying to paint her as a immoral person and I know that I will seem insecure. I just need a little bit of anonymous help from people who won’t judge her (my friends, family etc).