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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to leave after so long?

2 replies

Elizabeth1991 · 22/07/2020 09:52

We've always had a rocky relationship. It started really quickly when I got pregnant stupidly early after meeting eachother. There was cheating and uncertainty to start with and he left me until he realised he needed to man up and be a father to his first born the month before our son was born.
He continued to be unfaithful at the start but after 2 years in he had stopped and everything was great.
Got engaged in 2015, thought everything was going amazing. Found out after our engagement party that he had been unfaithful again but we managed to overcome this once again.
I think I am far too forgiving. This is when I should have left. But I held on to the tiny it of hope and didn't want to ruin my sons life at the time.
I then got pregnant again in Jan 2016 so thought this was what I needed. We've struggled ever since tbh.
We did set a wedding date for this year but it was postponed due to the pandemic.
I'm kind of glad in a way that it was as I've always had my doubts and it would be harder to leave if we were married.
I've always got niggling thoughts at the back of my head about leaving.
We haven't been happy for a long time. We prentend that we are fine but we aren't.
He's dragged me down with his need to have the best and has got us and my parents into debt from his loan borrowing.
We struggle every month and I've come to the point where I don't want to have this life anymore.
The kids are happy. I know I'm not the most amazing mum at times but they come first no matter what.
My partner has anger issues where he shouts at them and gets impatient too quickly. And I've finally snapped at him about this as I'm fed up of it.
Everyone shouts at their kids but not on a daily.
He's not a bad dad. He's unfortunately had a bad upbringing by his father so I'm assuming his behaviour is due to this maybe. But I can't have my kids hating their dad like he does.
He's great with them when I've told him off about his shouting and we've had a row.
He's great when he doesn't see them so often, they are a handful, and due to being home more he sees them and me too. Much and it's testing everyone's relationships.
I really think we would be better off separating.
I think we would be happier. But I don't know how to leave.
I know if I tell him, he will go off on one and make it to be my fault and make me feel guilty.
I haven't got any money or savings to go and move out. I havent got a proper job atm so I don't have income for myself. We rely on what he gets.
Our house is in his name, but I put money into it when we bought it.. I'm not sure what to do about that.
I'd love to move and start fresh. It would be hard but I don't see how I can carry on.
This row we've had has been overdue and I think it's the final straw.
My head is split into 2. I just don't have the balls to make the final decision :(**

OP posts:
Wantingtomoveonfromthis · 22/07/2020 20:17

Could you stay with your parents? 🤗

category12 · 22/07/2020 21:58

Starting steps - information gathering.

Do you have proof of the money you put into the house or ring-fence it in any way? If so, it might be worth speaking to a solicitor quietly and working out your options.

If not, I would look to improve your circumstances - you say you haven't got a proper job - does that mean you do work a bit? What are your prospects of getting more hours, or finding a proper job?

You can work out what you'd be entitled to as a single parent using the online calculators at the Entitled To website, and there's a child support calculator on the Gov.UK website.

Can you start squirrelling away a moving out fund? Even a few quid a week will build up and feel like you're starting to make a few steps.

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