Is it me or him?

[SameOldPlace]

NC for this. I really didn't want to post about this as I do feel it's him being awkward!

In the last 3/4 weeks I reconnected with my ex who I split up with around 4 months previously. He had a lot of trust issues and it was a constant battle with the level of reassurance he needed.

When we first got back in contact he said he was happy with the level of affection he was receiving from me but as the weeks has gone on this has started reducing again. I believe this is directly down to the fact he has started being needy and having the trust issues again.

He often says he needs me to behave a certain way else he can't feel confident in us. The issue I have is that he always seems miserable. Even when I do try to be affectionate at times he's not even responded because he said he's feeling down about things. Him being like this puts me off, then being told to be a certain way makes me not want to do it more.
He seems to not have the ability to relax and chill and just let things happen naturally.
Things came to head a few days ago when I said I just needed to chill out for an hour before bed so wouldn't call him as I'd been out celebrating my child's birthday and was knackered. We were planning to see each other the next day anyway in the evening so I didn't think it would be much of an issue.
He started saying I don't make him a priority and that I'm not bothered about him and basically insinuating that I should be calling him instead of chilling.
I work full time and knew I'd have a busy day Monday. He came over after work Monday and child not here Monday and Tuesday.
He basically demanded that things need to change immediately and that I need to make an effort to show him he's important to me. I said I'm still shattered as I didn't end up sleeping well due to the stress and child being unwell in the night. I explained I would rather just chill and get an early night and he started going on again about if I cared I'd make an effort. I said I wasn't really in the mood for sex and he asked me why not. I reiterated the above.
He can't seem to take into account that things don't always go to plan and that I was tired. As it happens today I'm coming down with a cold etc.
I've said if he chills out then I can show him off my own back how I feel about him.
He says I've broken his heart again and making me feel awful when I've explained the pressure is really off putting. He's saying it won't change unless I show him first that he's important and the only one for me and then he'll try to stop the behaviour.
I really hoped things would be different but I think he's mentally messing me about?
Sorry for the long post

Controlling, needy and exhausting. Just dump and block OP. No further analysis needed.

Sorry to repeat myself @SameOldPlace but if his mental health was genuinely a concern for him he'd have gone to see Mind and got some help. He does understand what he's doing but he thinks it will work for him, he's a bit too self obsessed to have noticed that you're now pulling away from him again. If you find it hard to dump him ask yourself, a, do you care more for his MH than your own and b, would you want this man as your DC's role model?

Just dump him, block him, and don't look back.

Honestly. Life is too short.

He's an ex for a reason, move forwards, not backwards

So, when you've got down on your knees and prostrated yourself before him to 'prove' that he's the one for you - he'll try to work on his behaviour?

Yeah. No. Out of there, double time.

You are more concerned with what other people think, including a manipulative jerk who should have stayed an ex, than you are with your own happiness.

That's a way to waste a hell of a lot of time being unhappy and trying for something you can never achieve. You can only ever truly please one person - yourself.

"He has suggested that he wants me to express how lucky I am to have him in my life and has also said he's got a lot going for him so this should be acknowledged 🤨"

OMG. That alone would be enough for him to be out in the cold. What kind of egotistical prat says things like that!?!?

Basically he is controlling. He is a mind fucking narcissist who wants to own you, not love you.

Respectful behaviour should not come with conditions. Personal space should not need to be earned.

Quite frankly he sounds unhinged. Dump him and block him asap on everything and for the love of goodness dont try to stay friends with this nut case. He does not want good things for you.

op you dont have to be back there. You have the option to cut ties at any point for any reason.

As for worrying about his mental well being because he can't see his own behaviour... I cannot stress this strongly enough; his behaviour, awareness or mental health are not your issue to fix. You are responsible for the health and well being of you and your child. Never get trapped into the fix-it cycle.

He is not a child, he is a grown man who is showing signs of turning you into someone you won't even recognise in a year or two.

This has made my skin crawl. What a living nightmare. He’s going to be hard to get rid of, but you must, and call the police ASAP if he starts to act up, which I suspect he might.

He's ALREADY in a relationship-with his huge EGO! He's a needy and insecure child underneath it all and needs psychotherapy before he can have a healthy relationship

i'd dump him again he sounds like he has massive issues. nothing that is your fault, it sounds like he wants everything to be about him and isn't interested in anyone else's problems. he will get jealous of your child and i'd bet anything he'll end up giving you the old "its them or me" line at some point.