Have NC for this post.
My brother and I are both in our 50s. We have been good friends. However, he is prone to outbursts of anger that although are verbal, not physical, are very aggressive. He loses his temper at the drop of a hat at perceived slights.
He came to visit me last week and parked on the drive used to make deliveries to a small business next to where I live. The manager asked him not to park there and my brother completely lost it, shouting and swearing at him. He came to visit a couple of days later and he started shouting and swearing again outside the door of the business when he saw the manager inside. It was horrible, loud foul language and I found it very upsetting. It's made me worried about leaving the house.
Then on Saturday I was subjected to the same kind of tirade by text. My stepdad recently died and my mum has gone to live with my sister and her family. My brother and sister fell out years ago and don't speak, and my brother is angry that my mum has gone to live there even though it was my mum's choice and my brother doesn't have the space or lifestyle to take care of her. I filled in a redirect mail form to get mum's mail sent to my sister's and when my brother found out he had a meltdown, accusing me of undermining him (he's Executor to step dad's Will) and said that he's finished with having anything to do with the Will or the family.
He slammed the phone down on my mum, when she told him she was too ill to go to stepdad's funeral and that my sister had organised for it to be shown via internet. He told her that "he washed his hands of all of us".
I don't want to fall out with him. Three years ago my mum went to stay with him for a few days and he had a strop and ended up throwing her out (she's in her 80s). I had to leave work to go find her, she was wandering round, crying in the pouring rain. I phoned him to try and find out what had happened and I had a foul mouthed tirade culminating in "phone me or come round here and I'll call the police on you" . We had no contact for a year. During that time it upset me so much it made me ill - I had a mental breakdown that ended up with me referred to a psychiatrist and I left my job as a teacher as I couldn't cope. I haven't worked properly since.
I can't put it all into perspective. My sister says "disengage" and that I'm making excuses for him when I say this is a stressful time. I feel so upset about what's happened, I don't want to lose a friend, I don't want it to make me ill again although it's already affecting my sleep, I'm worried about what will happen about the Will because it's money to go to mum, I don't like to think that my brother is cutting himself off from people who care about him.