Is my husband a narcissist

[Diabetes123]

His way is always right
Everything is black or its white
A perfectionist
Has no empathy or compassion
Does not show his vulnerability

He is one who is also loving, kind and (sometimes) thoughtful though not very often
Would move mountains for me
Never hit me bullied me
Never said I couldn't do anything
Never held me back
Is a great dad, very good with housework etc

I'm very confused :(

No. In fact he doesn’t sound too bad compared to most of the husbands that get discussed on here.

I don't know if he's a 'narcissist' OP as I have no idea what that means any more.

I wouldn't marry someone with no empathy or compassion with black or white thinking. We would just argue all the time and he'd never be kind or considerate because he has no empathy so can't imagine how I'm feeling. Sounds like he has sociopathic tendencies if he has no empathy.

I'm wondering how someone who views the world in such black and white terms and has no empathy or compassion, is a good dad. Surely he just tells the children to stop whining when they hurt themselves.

Why are you looking for a label? He is who he is and you get on or you don't. Do you get on?

Not enough to go on really but 'no empathy or compassion' is a big deal. I mean, hugely worrying. How does it present itself?

Normal, neirotypical people have compassion. If a person doesn't, something is seriously up . I'd be concerned that the loving and kind parts were an act he kept up until it suited him.

Could he be on the autistic spectrum??

He could be, or have traits of. Not all narcissists are scheming bond villain types.

How does he react if you say no or challenge him in some way? Or if you are ill?

The lack of empathy and compassion is a big issue. You say he has none? Someone who has no empathy is likelier to have a personality disorder. But it's not definitive that he will.

The other things... The not hitting you or bullying you, the not telling you can't do anything. A lack of evidence is not evidence. The sometimes being loving and kind.... Again indicates nothing but he knows what is expected of him and sometimes he may follow through. There's not enough there to say either way.

If he was always unkind or thoughtless it would be easier to see through it. People are rarely all good or all bad. Narcissism itself is on a spectrum.

I don't know if you're asking if he's high in narcissism or if he has NPD, the best thing to do is to read articles, inform yourself and see if it describes him.

He sounds like maybe if he was narcissistic , he would be more of a vulnerable/ covert one ?

Again I have no idea.....

Did he love bomb you when you met?

I've no idea. but why would you want to be with someone with no empathy or compassion? I'd not want that person around my children either.

I'm not with him we separated after 22 years of marriage and 30 years together 2 months ago.

If I challenge him sometimes he will spit his dummy out so to say or say the right thing just to appease me in my opinion. If I'm ill generally he was very good looked after me.

Not necessarily no empathy and compassion but very little literally comes out and says what he has to say with no regard for others feelings especially if its someone he doesn't know like say a shop assistant, bar assistant etc. Sometimes but not very often said little things to me and then 5 minutes later I'm sorry as if that makes everything ok.

No in fact he's been a really good dad over the years they are 19 and 16 now but always had time for them although could be snappy depending on what mood he was in (very moody at times).

Not sure whether its just behavioural.

You see the thing is he wants me back but I don't know if he is able to change or even if I would want him to change I just think there's too much to change.

Confused.com

Do you run around after him OP? Do you cook, clean, make appointments, keep house etc? Perhaps he's missing that after two months, not you. He's had 30 years to learn some basic respect and consideration for your feelings and hasn't bothered. I can't imagine he's changed after two months, he's probably lonely.

He treats people in customer orientated jobs like his punchbag, knowing they have no choice but to take it and be polite to him. Sounds like a catch OP.

you are not making him sound very attractive.
tell him it is too soon.
you both need to find yourselves, by yourself, before you can even consider any such thing.
keep in touch, at a distance, be civil, co-operative re the children, but be wary.
keep yr own counsel.
maybe do some research on yourself, rather than trying to analyse him