Bit wierd - would appreciate your advice about what to do (if anything) about a couple of strange things DP has done

[oviraptor]

OK, this might seem a bit trivial but its worrying me a bit.
I have a platonic male friend, Iveknown him for years (before I met DP) and we are quite close.
DP has never had a problem with him afaik although I usually see him on my own or with a grouop of mutual friends.
Two wierd things have happened this week.
I was putting away some cards (I have a new job) and I noticed the one from my male friend is missing. I really can't find it and I started wondering if DP has thrown it away. I honestly can't think of another idea.
The other thing is that (I think) DP read a text from him a couple of weeks ago, which I have never known him do before. It was a prfectly innocent message.
he hasn't mentioned either of these things to me.
am I reading too mch into this? Should I say something, because it seems to me that DP might be feeling jealous and I would like ot set his mind at rest.
what would you do?

bumping for some advice please

I wouldn't say anything out loud, there is always the risk of paranoia on your part triggering suspicion on his. Take the jealousy as a compliment and work on some ideas to make him feel more secure (without looking like guilt LOL - a fine line probably). Time out just the two of you, he might open up if he has been feeling funny about it.

Has anything changed between you recently? Spending less time together etc, to make him feel more insecure? Maybe someone has been winding him up and put a seed of doubt in his mind.

I think you should remind he has nothing to worry about, whether that be by showing him you still fancy him, telling him in conversation you are not remotely attracted to your friend, or just speaking directly to him about it. Not knowing the 2 of you, it's har to know what approach to suggest but I do think yu should reassure him.

My personal pov is that you shouldn't say anything to dp, but maybe ease up a bit on the friendship. Of course, you may have imagined that dp has got rid of the card/read the text, but if he has then something is making dp jumpy and it sounds like he needs a bit of reassurance without him knowing that you think he's snooped. It may be something innocent or not even to do with your friendship (maybe dp is feeling a bit insecure at work or whatever). If you really think that dp is worried and he means a lot to you then I would show him so by not making such a big thing of your friendship. OTOH if the friendship is what matters most then you need to think carefully about what you want. I think if you put yourself in dp's position and imagined him with afemale friend maybe you could see where he is coming from?

In all honesty I wouldnt mind, startouchedtrinity. I am not really a jealous person. But I think DP doesn't have the same need for frienship as I do. He does have friends (inc. female friends) , but he doesn't confide in others, he prefers his own company.
You are all right though. I should try and concentrate on this relationship in case he is feeling insecure. It can't hurt anyway!
It may well be to do with his work, or to do with me going back to work.

i wouldn't agree with the other posts! i think friendships are really important, and, actually, in the long term it doesn't help a core relationship by "easing up" on friendships.
i think you should make sure you work on your relationship with your partner - of course! - and help him feel less insecure or jealous if he is feeling that. but don't give up on your long term friendships over a perceived jealousy of a third party. think how outraged you would be if a dear friend did that to you!
also, if it was me, i would be feeling pretty angry about my privacy being invaded if i suspected my dp had read a text on purpose like that. i know everyone has different relationships, and some people don't mind that, but i would hate it. it would seem intrusive to me.
hope thats not too harsh.

I know what you mean, you probably aren't a jealous person but imagine this happening when you are having problems with your self-esteem and the most innocent things can suddenly seem significant.

Hope things work out xxx

MaeBee, I was really quite surprised at the idea that he had raed the text and tried to explain it away.
I can't be 100% sure that he did, but I was expecting a text from my friend, and I didn't get one, well several hours later I checked and there was a text in my inbox but showing as read. I suppose it is just possible that I read it and then forgot. I would have been annoyed if he had read a text of mine, because I woulnd't dream of doing that to him.

LOL, the reading text message debate! We've not discussed it but I'm pretty sure DH knows I reserve the right to read his texts and vice versa (not that he'd bother.) Our phones are lie around the house so they are fair game, likewise emails as we share the same address.
I think it should be easy enough to ease up on the friendship without your friend even noticing let alone minding.
At the end of the day if your DP is a nice bloke and not normally prone to such behaviour, a bit of extra attention to him now won't hurt your social life.

maeBee, I think it depends on the circumstances. I have been in a situation with dh where a friendship of his made me feel very insecure at a time when I was very low after having our third baby. I never spied on him but it did piss me off.

I did say that the OP needs to decide how important the friendship is, and if it is that important then she needs to think about her priorities.

And, IME, friendships are no more guaranteed than romantic relationships. The idea that lovers come and go but friends are forever is a myth.

i agree friendships aren't more important than our lover relationships, i just would be very very wary about prioritising one over the other because of an ungrounded jealousy. i have been jealous of some of my dp's friendships (for the record we have an open relationship so it is different territory, agreed!) but i would have felt awful if he had endangered his friendships cos of my issues.
in fact, maybe i only posted because, to confess, i DID once read a letter from a girlfriend of his that he'd left lying around his bedroom and it was 4 years ago and i still feel absolutely awful that i read it. and i never told him. i read it cos he was going through a terrible depression and i thought i might get more insight into why. but also, i was a bit threatened so maybe that spurred me on too.
oviraptor - have you and dp discussed what privacy you expect from each other? cos, as is clear from other posts, different people do have different expectations? and maybe you could ask, without sounding accusing, if he's seen the card?

Im so pleased noone said I must confront him! I would come over a s a complete psycho lol

I know that he knows I would not like him reading my texts (or emails eihter) though I do leave muy 'phone lying round.
I would never look at his, I would feel awful about it and can't imagine what I would sya if got caught!
thats why it was so surpising, it is really not like him at all. And I put the first incident out of my mind until today, thought I must have got it wrong and read it in the middle of the night of something.
I know that sounds silly but I oculdn't think of another idea.

Well, the fact is you really don't know for certain whether dp has looked or not, so probably best not to jump to conclusions and forget about it.

In your shoes I would come home one day and say 'that sodding XXX is an absolute pain in the arse. I don't understand how his girlfriend puts up with him! Gaaahhhh!'

That way, if he has been suspicious, it allays his fears, plus if he hasn't you can get to have a moan on a random basis and demand cups of tea/chocolate etc.

LOL, things like 'I'm soooo glad I'm not single!' And idly start a conversation fantasising about your retirement together.

For me there?s a difference between being able to read each other?s texts and emails and actually reading them. I leave my mobile phone lying around the house and dh regularly goes on my computer if his isn?t switched on, if he wanted to look at my texts and emails he could do so without having to go to much effort, and I have nothing to hide from him anyway. But if he suddenly started reading my texts and email I would want to know why he felt the need to do so. After all, people don?t generally read each other?s texts and emails just because they?re bored.

While I wouldn?t confront your dh as such, I would have a discussion about whether he has a problem with your friendship with this particular guy, or any other male friends you might have. I have male friends and my dh is fully aware of them, most live abroad, but one in particular I speak to occasionally and we met up last week after a couple of years as he?s now going through a divorce. Dh has always joked that this particular friend must fancy me as ?well I fancy you so why wouldn?t other men??. Imo there?s just no way he does as we knew each other before dh came on the scene and he never led me to think that was the case, and I wouldn?t go there even if I were single and he was the last man on earth, but if dh felt insecure about him then I would want to know so that I could both reassure dh and ensure the friendship was as such so as to not exaserbate any insecurities.

But I don?t agree that you should cut back on the friendship, and that if you?re not prepared to do that ten you should question your priorities, after all, if your dh has no reason to actually be jealous/insecure then you shouldn?t have to be the one that ends a perfectly innocent friendship. But it?s all about communication, your dh should be able to tell you that he?s feeling insecure and you should be able to reassure him that he has no need to be.